Day 20: Extraordinary Ordinary

The everyday is part of our story. Maybe it is the tiniest part of your story, but no puzzle was ever made without pieces and everyday life makes up the pieces.

Our stories aren't always the way that we'd would write them. I know there are parts of my own that I would erase and re-write without the messiness and the hurt.

The extraordinary in the ordinary is that we can write another part of our story with the everyday as we choose how we write it that day, to write with grace or to scribble ugly all over the page of life.

The choice is ours.

My Year of Fearlessness

I have decided that I am never again making a New Year's Resolution.
Nope, not happening ever again.

What I've realized about myself is that in order to see real change in my life I have to tackle things as they come. I have to see the need and be willing to change it right there in the moment. No scheming, no over-planning, no setting myself up for failure.  Can you relate? Resolutions seem to amp up my anxiety struggling and my fear-mongering tendencies.

That is why this year is my year of fearlessness. Wait, so was last year. Oh, and wait...doesn't that kind of sound like a New Year's Resolution? You say toe-may-toe...I say too-mah-toe...My point is that I am still a work in progress and I'm continuing to let God change me and embolden my heart to live fully and fearlessly. I'm even going to get a tattoo...yep, you won't want to miss that.

Next week I will be debuting the new and revised PDF of 31 Days to Fearless. It will be available to buy for the low, low price of $1.99! Yes, available to you my friend and all of your friends! It even has beautiful cover art done by my dear friend Amy Davis!

Leave a comment if you are interested in a free copy of the PDF in exchange for chatting it up on your blog, twitter, Facebook, etc...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Open Mic Post

Reading this post made me brave. I'm going to read it again here on the blog on Friday, but I wanted to share it for you in print along with the intro from that fateful night at Allume. I wish I could have wrapped all of you who were listening in a long tight hug that night. To everyone who walked into that room and encountered a voiceless, scared young woman reading her wall scrawlings...thanks for listening.

I've got a lot more to say. I'd be honored if you'd keep listening.

  












I lost my voice. 

Ironic, I know {Please bare with me}

My name is Jessica Hoover and I blog at Hand Me Down Grace. Where I'm learning to leave a legacy better than the one that was left for me while generallyfailing miserably and always falling on grace. 

You know how they say, never pray for patience? Well, I made the mistake of praying for God to make me fearless. I also dared to write 31 days to Fearless this month. At the time it seemed like a good idea to read  (or at last submit ) a post for tonight.  You see, I'm not afraid of public speaking, but I am terrified of my own writing, my own voice. It seems only appropriate that my voice would sound so raw and real. 

Those words I spill on the screen are often raw and real. We are here in real life and the reality is that my voice on the other side of the screen is often war worn and ragged. I guess my voice, or lack thereof, is just a metaphor. A test in fearlessness over letting you see me in the here and now. I contemplated for a moment backing out. I thought about running to Lisa-Jo to say that this open mic dare was all just a bit too much for me. but I want to be heard. 

I want to be fearless for you my friends. I want to be fearless for my baby daughter who needs more than a mama who says "I'm sorry, but it's just to hard" when fear knocks at the door. I want to be fearless because words originate from THE WORD and He has given me a voice and is perfecting me in love with every grace. 

This post is about those women who know my real life voice all too well and despite it all still heap grace upon grace...

She winged her way down South deep below the Mason-Dixon. She rented a car and drove a treacherous stretch of I-85 just to see my little family. I think she must have read these words and taken heed because she loved well and this new mama's heart was filled full. She showers us with love. Sweet kisses for Millie, a cup of coffee for Millie's mama, a homemade pot of deliciousness for the whole family. A sister (in spirit if not by blood- and who's to say what ties are deeper?) who can rest assured that she always has a place in my family.

It is a rainy Thursday as I lug a car seat into an almost empty coffee shop. The wee one is asleep- can it be? We sit across from each other and cup hot beverages and share four layers of cream cheese frosting. We talk family, we talk life's unexpectedness, we speak truth. The truth aches and it heals and the scars remind us that in Christ all things are being made new. I share about the sleepless nights, the sweet midnight moments, and the hard grace that I'm learning to live- choose joy and find the sweetness in life I say. She listens wide-eyed and heart open and I find my shoulders relaxing and my eyes seeing a bit clearer.

I've juggled car seats, screaming babe slung tightly, and shopping basket for 2+ hours of sweat, tears and an aching neck. I look battle weary to say the least when she arrives- hair falling down, mascara smeared, weary eyed. She arrives with no expectations and simply says, "I just wanted to hang out with you." Hang out with me? Yes, please. Carry my baby for a few minutes? Yes, please. 

She calls me every few days just to check in. How are you doing? How is little Miss?
We laugh.
I cry.
She listens.
I treasure these phone calls from a sister and friend. I treasure that fact that she has been there, done that, and knows that this too shall pass- but reminds me to soak up all the sweetness while I can. 

We walk in the mire and muck together, but when the budget is stretched tight, the baby won’t sleep and I catch a glimpse of ancient dust bunnies under the cabinets, I can feel incredibly alone.  We could all use a cheerleader along the sidelines of this journey. There are days when I could use an entire stadium full of cheerleaders. These sisters, they cheer, loud and they remind me of a sure hope.

They are the Gospel come to life. 

The Gospel, come to my life.                                                                                                                                                    

All these sisters have gathered close to bless and dispel that voice that whispers in my midnights,

"You are alone."  

They send emails and quiet mid-day texts. They slip packages in the mail with hand written notes. They slide change across the counter for my cup of coffee. They cook dinners, cradle my sweet wee one, call on the hard days and tell me that those circles under my eyes aren't nearly as dark as I think they are. They never tire of blessing this tired mama and their love amounts to a summons to joy in my life. These women, walking in the mire and muck of this life right beside me, choose to bless and oh, how they bless and they are radiant in the blessing.

Days 30 & 31: Fearless is a Verb

I failed. I didn't get up my 31 days in 31 days. I meant to, but then all the things I fear swept over me and it got really dark around here for a few days. Does that surprise anyone? I've been talking about this spiritual battle that fear is. I was riding above the fray feeling rather untouched by fear until fear cracked the surface and crashed my world for a couple of weeks. 

Here are my last two days in combination and a big announcement!

Days 30 & 31: Fearless is a Verb

The only way to be fearless is to fear less.

You don't become fearless sitting still.

Fearlessness doesn't just happen.

Fearless shouldn't be an adjective. It should be a verb. It is action.  It is facing down the lion of fear with the Lion of Judah in real time.

Two weeks ago I looked at the husband and said, "I'm just afraid I'm going to get sick before Allume". He looked back and told me to stop thinking that way. He knows me all too well. I have a powerful mind. I've never been hypnotized, but I bet it wouldn't be hard. The power of suggestion in my life is well...powerful. I got sick the next day.

This is how it went down. 

The husband left on Tuesday for a business trip. We were leaving Thursday for Allume. Thursday I was feeling about 75%, but the babe was now sick...I left for Pennsylvania with a sick babe in arms. One flight that was covered in prayer and survived with the help of a sweet friend. Big sigh...we made it to PA, but we were a bit ragged. I thought that I could rest easy, but at dinner there went my voice.

I thought I was on the upswing, but no. I lost my voice. Did I mention I had to read a post...my own shaky writing...to a hundred or so bloggers the next night? Yes, and I no longer had voice. I didn't talk the next day. I mimed and squeaked out a word or two occasionally. I sought refuge in my room while my dear friend took the sniffling babe out on a walk. The same sniffling babe that wouldn't sleep the night before and woke up at 4:30 that morning...I was struggling. I scribbled my heart and God's words out onto paper and that night I read them to a room full of women that I just admire to the moon. I read without a voice.

The next day I felt better, but then here comes this hurricane barreling up the east coast. God is good and we slipped into the air ahead of the storm in the wee hours of Sunday morning. The wee one slep the whole way. Great golly Moses what a blessing. We were on the ground and home before the first drops of rain even fell. I got home and was feeling better until Monday and a stomach virus. Yes, a stomach virus. We had plans to visit the NC coast while the hubs worked a project there, but in the end he drove 12 hours round trip alone while I lay on the floor with a baby crawling over and around me.

That is what I feared. All of it. The sickness. The voice losing. The reading my heart words to a room full of ears. More sickness. The time alone without the husband. Oh, and need I remind you about my fear of flying? Hmmph...

It happened and I survived, but I'd be lying if I said I thrived in the midst of all of it.

I went to a place really dark when I got back from Allume. God watered some huge dreams during the conference. Writing dreams that I am just now feeling brave enough to begin to pen, but when I returned home sick and tired it all just seemed like an insurmountable dream. Everything just seemed to hard and scary.

I'm happy to say that the light has broken in thanks to the healing balm which is sleep, good food, God's Word and time with my family. 

What I'm trying to say with this real-life-fear-fest is that I'm not fearless yet. In fact I don't believe that we can be fearless on our own or permanently in this life. The most we can do is cling to God's Word and the truth that He speaks over our broken lives. The most we can do is invite Christ to take our fears away when they knock hard at the door and threaten to consume us. Every moment spent in fear has a direct correlation to some {strange at times} mercy that God was pouring out His goodness through.We have to train our eyes to see His mercy in the nooks and crannies of life.

This journey to fearless-ness begins in fear not on the other side of it. I struggle with fear alongside of each and everyone of you, but by God's grace we'll live with fear under our feet. Trampled by the Gospel alive in our hearts.

Thanks for reading 31 Days to Fearlesss. I hope you are feeling a bit braver. Here is the big announcement! 31 Days to Fearless is being edited and will be available as a PDF for purchase in a few short weeks!

Day 29: A Breather

I just got back home from Allume and quite frankly I'm pooped. I need a bit of a breather- I mean it is the 29th day of the series! Can I get a WOOT? We'll be wrapping up the series in the next two days. Thanks for reading. Really. I mean it.

If you're struggling with fear today (I'm raising my hand pretty much everyday!) then maybe you should re-read or read some of these posts!

Addicted to Fear

Wrestling Fear

Talk to Yourself



Keep reading as we wrap the series up. I hope you're finding that you are fearing...less.

Tomorrow: Day 30: Our Hope

Day 28: What Fears May Come

There is a good chance that something that you are afraid of will happen.

It might just be that thing that keeps you awake at night.

My question to you is, what if that happens? What if that thing that you are so afraid of does happen?

Where does that leave you? Where does that leave your heart? Where does that leave your faith? 

Corrie Ten Boom is a hero of mine. She was the only member of her immediate family to survive Ravensbruck work camp during WWII. She was imprisoned along with her father and sister for hiding Christian Jews in their home. The worst happened to Corrie. Yet she claimed till the end of her long life that "there is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still."

The depth of God's love blanketing a broken world cannot be measured. If His lovingkindness were to be removed we can be assured that all our worst fears would come to pass. Yet he is gracious and even in our trials can and will be found faithful.

Tomorrow: Day 29: A Breather

Day 27: Sharing the Load

I'm blessed to have a husband who is braver than I'll ever be. 

He knows that I struggle with fear and he always leads me to the cross when I am afraid. Ok, sometimes he exasperatedly says, "Why are you afraid {eyebrows furrowed}?", but then he takes me to the cross.  One of the reasons we need to admit fear is so that others can come alongside us and remind us of who Jesus is. My husband is able to shoulder the load that fear can put on me at times.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said,  “The Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself without belying the truth. He needs his brother as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation.”

I've said it a dozen times during this series. We weren't created to do life alone. We need the voice of Jesus and the voice of others to dispel fear. We don't have to carry the load of fear. Jesus carried that load once and for all and gives us others to point us toward that truth if we are willing to be vulnerable.

Tomorrow: Day 28: What Fears May Come

Day 26: Admitting Fear

I'm writing this alone in my living room on Wednesday night, the eve of a day full of excitement. I'm terrified.

I am seriously terrified and I could name off approximately a million reasons why. I won't. I'll save you that. This fear thing isn't easy to shake. Forgive me if I've led you to believe that it is. Nope, I'll be the first to say that it clings like a thick cobweb. You know, the one that you ran into without even seeing it and you just can't seem to get it unglued from your face. Yeah, that is fear.

I'm trying to write a post about overcoming fear and well...I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of what you will think of me for being so caught up in fear.
I'm afraid that somewhere between Charlotte, NC and Harrisburg, NC our plane will sputter.
I'm afraid that my baby girl will scream and her ears will pound every second of the flight.
I'm afraid that I won't get to live long enough to watch babies grow to be wiser than me. 
I'm scared of sleeping in my bed husband-less again tonight (he's on a business trip).
I'm scared of getting up on stage on Friday night, heart thumping, and reading heart words out loud.

I'm scared...scared...scared...

You see, I'm weak. I'm so weak, but He says that His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. Jesus calls the weak poor in spirit. He says we get heaven. We get Him.

I know this is heavy stuff. I also know that some of you are walking under a silent heavy load of fear. Write it down. Spill it down in ink in a journal. Start a private blog. Tell your spouse. Climb a mountain and scream it out at the top of your lungs.

Admit that you are afraid. 

Claim the name of Jesus and claim yourself to be poor in spirit. The way up is down and a bent knee is a surrendered heart. We can't begin to snuff out fear in our life if we can't be honest about the places that it dwells.

I'm walking this road with you and praise be to God, so is Jesus!

 Tomorrow: Day 27: Sharing the Load

Day 25: Thanks Living

Fear blinds us to thanks. 

I have come to realize that every single time fear creeps in there is a direct correlation to a lack of thankfulness in my life. Fear makes us believe that we deserve comfort, ease, safety in this life. We fret over the chance that anything that makes our lives comfortable, easy or safe might be taken away. What we fail to realize in those moments is that we have been given grace upon grace. It is all grace. Our lives, each breath is a reason to give thanks. The louder our thanks the quieter the voice of fear.

Thanks, like fear, is a posture of the heart.

In just a few short weeks we (Americans are the "we" in this instance, sorry Canucks) will gather around a table for a day of thanks. It isn't enough to set aside one day out of the year to stuff our faces and murmur a few words of thanks before passing out in a turkey coma. No, that won't send fear cowering. Our lives need to be lived bent under the weight of thanks.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)

Our lives are rich but if we live with fear blinders on we will never see this. We will focus on the fear and fail to see God's rich blessings. When the grace we've been given becomes bigger than the fear in our lives we become braver and we begin to fear a bit less...for me this practice has meant a lot less fear.

{Today I fly to Harrisburg, PA for Allume. I'm not a good flier if you'll remember. Prayers, please? I'm flying on a whole lot of prayers and heaps of thanks in my heart.}

Tomorrow: Day 26: Admitting Fear

Day 24: Addicted to Fear

This series is called "31 Days to Fearless", but if I am totally honest there are days when I'm not interested in fearing less. If I am honest sometimes a life of fear feels safer than a life of freedom from fear.

I worked in crisis pregnancy for several years and many of my clients were victims of domestic abuse. These women lived in a cycle of abuse, in and out of relationships that were harmful to themselves and their families. Abuse was the norm and in some ways it was their comfort zone. The idea that a man would love them and their children selflessly was outside of their thinking.

If fear is our struggle it can often be our comfort zone no matter how detrimental to our whole life.

Sometimes I don't fight fear because it feels like the safer route. It is familiar. Sometimes I'm just plain lazy. Sometimes it is an excuse not to live the fullest life. An excuse not to do the work of life and live it to the fullest. Fear is like any addiction it locks us in patterns of thinking that convinces us that freedom is more frightening than living under fear's deadly weight. 

Tomorrow: Day 25: Thanks Living

Day 23: Wrestling Fear

I'll try {almost} anything once. 

When we worked in camp ministry it was a common pastime to go cliff jumping. Let it be known that I hate jumping off of things. I'm not afraid of heights, but I HATE the feeling of falling. During the summers it was an almost weekly occurrence. The weekend would hit and we'd swim out to the cliffs or drive out to a 30' high rope swing where everyone was expected to jump. It was never a secret that I don't like to jump off of things, but every time...usually after some coaxing...I would do it.

I don't believe that fear should be allowed to keep us from doing big things. 

Recently my hubs and I met a fella who happened to be friends with a VERY well-known pastor/speaker in the Christian world. He was sharing a few stories about his high profile friend and amidst his stories he shared about how this friend had confessed to being afraid of everything. I couldn't help but be a bit shocked. This person is someone that I esteem and I was quite frankly surprised because he is such a bold voice. Our new friend followed this story by saying something that resonated deeply with this fearful gal. He said, "Just think every time {this well-known pastor} gets up to speak he's fought through enormous fear."

It isn't about whether or not we struggle with fear. I'm beginning to think that the people who are most brave are not those who don't know fear, but those who have wrestled fear to the ground. For some people it is a daily and moment to moment fight.

Wrestling fear to the ground takes one brave, fearless moment. 
One moment in which the scariest thing is not jumping. 

What is it that you want to do most in life? Write a book {ahem, talking to myself}, go back to school, mend a broken relationship, share Christ with abandon, sell everything you have and head across the globe for the sake of the Gospel?

Fear is weak when we are strong.
Christ has given all strength to those of us willing to believe Him.
His strength can wrestle any fear.

 Tomorrow: Day 24: Addicted to Fear

Day 22: Kicking Fear Out of Our Relationships

We are designed by our Creator to live in community with one another. Life is sweeter and fuller when we are living and doing life together. We live in a fallen broken world and suffer the consequences of that in our relationships; family, marriage, friendship, work, etc...all of our relationships are subject to our fallen-ness.

It is no secret that relationships take work. Healthy relationships take a bit of bravery.

Fear can dominate our relationships if we let it. Maybe you have a family relationship that is broken. Maybe you think that it is beyond repair. Fear says that it is. God says that it isn't.

I would encourage you to search out the rough spots in your relationships and see if those rough spots are stemming from your own fear. Fear that God can't heal. Fear of being honest. Fear of letting your guard down.  Fear of {insert your fear here}

Fear has no place in a believer's life or in our relationships. 

 Tomorrow: Day 23: Wrestling Fear

Day 21: Talk to Yourself

That voice in your head that tells you that it's too hard, too scary, too likely to fail...
That voice that tells you that He can't love that big, reach that far, or forgive that great...
The voice that hisses you're alone, without hope, beyond His grasp....

Tell it to shut the $#%@ up.

Yeah, I went there.

I went there because that voice is the father of lies. If you struggle with fear then you know that voice. That one that creeps in and whispers fear into every crack of your life. It keep us living small lives and should be told in no uncertain to be quiet.

If we don't talk to ourselves and repeat to ourselves words of life then fear and it's words of death will speak to our hearts. Our hearts are always listening to something and that something brings fruit; good or bad.

Jesus was the Word. We call Scripture the Word of God. Words matter. What we say matters. The father of lies knows that and he loves to speak words of fear to our hearts. Jesus loves to speak words of comfort and courage to our hearts:

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. {Romans 8:37}

A life full of His word, music that reminds us of His word and books and good writing that remind us of the truth will be a life that is drowning out the voice of fear. This week in the midst of all this fear banishing I was side-swiped by fear. I thought I had it licked...pride...oh, pride...I need prayers and I need the voice of Jesus to be louder than my sin-drenched heart.

I leave you with a song that has lifted my heart from fear...words from the Word...

Tomorrow: Day 22: Kicking Fear Out of Relationships

Day 20: How to Learn to Cook

Before I was married I had an amazing ability or rather inability. I couldn't boil water.

I know some of you are looking at your screens, mouths agape. You've tasted my cooking and it is nothing short of delicious. I say that confidently. I'm now quite the epicurean queen, but it hasn't always been so.

After I got married (7 years ago this month!) I decided it was time to clean up my act and learn to cook. I burned a lot of food during those days, but I learned how to cook. The secret to cooking isn't perfect seasoning, or exotic ingredients. The secret to cooking is confidence. I realized that cooking isn't very hard if you know a few secrets and it is even easier if you believe that you can cook.

So you're asking...what does this have to do with overcoming fear? 

Fear steals our confidence. Fear makes us believe that we aren't capable and even if we are there is no use in trying. I felt this way about cooking for along time. Confidence changed that.

I decided that I wasn't going to be defeated by food and so skillet and butcher knife in hand I conquered it. I've found that being fearless isn't all that different. When I choose to let fear overtake me I'm saying that what God says about who I am in Him is untrue, in Christ we are MORE than conquerors.

Confidence not in myself, but in Christ is key to facing down our fears. I've learned to cook because I can trust in myself. Lessons in learning to fear-less don't always come so easy because I have to jump confidently into the arms of Christ.

Tomorrow: Day 21: Talk to Yourself

Day 19: The Prayer-Full Life

There isn't a recipe to ending fear...sorry to break it to you, but there are some steps that I've found that have sent fear cowering away. 

When our daughter was about 2 months old the husband and I came down with an AWFUL stomach virus. I'm talking way too gross to go into detail about...with anyone...ever...Before I was aware that I had contracted the disgusting disease I quarantined myself and my little one in our bedroom. From that room I could hear noises that can only be described as inhuman coming from my husband. At times I was praying out loud like the most charismatic t.v. preacher you could imagine. I was calling down angels and casting out demons...Prayer was the only thing I could do...and boy did I do it! 

That is not me at all...I'm into silent prayer and I generally don't cast out demons...In that moment I was frightened. I was scared for my husband and for my baby. I was flooded with fear and my only possible posture was prayer.

Pray continually...what does that mean? What does that look like in real life?

If you deal with fear and are fighting back then I probably don't have to explain this verse to you. A life that is defined by continual prayer is a life that recognizes it's need. When you are full of fear you recognize your finiteness. Prayer sometimes spill over in those moments without you even thinking about it. The problem is that fear is sneaky. If prayer is simply conversing with God then we need to be in constant conversation with Him about the fear in our hearts. Prayer recognizes our own finiteness and glories in God's greatness.

The enemy loses when prayer is our reaction rather than fear.  Prayer should be our reflex to fear. A reflex is something that our body does in response to a stimuli. Fear is the stimuli...Prayer is the reflex. A life full of prayer will indicate that our response to fear is not to fret and distrust God, but rather to admit our need and fall on His sufficiency.

Tomorrow: Day 20: How to Learn to Cook

Day 18: Anxious For Nothing

Early on in this series I briefly touched on what the Bible has to say about fear. I may have been a bit understated in that post. Yeah, I was. Jesus wants us to know that, in Him, there is nothing to be feared. NOTHING! So much so that He had Paul write us this:

...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6 ESV)

Some translations say "Be anxious for nothing"...I'm not going to do and exegesis on this passage. I'm not even going to look up the Greek for the word we see translated "anything" or "nothing". Why? Because that word needs not explanation. We aren't supposed to fear or be anxious about anything, nothing...NO THING...

I have a tendency to say ok, God I get that I shouldn't be afraid of the big stuff...death, taxes...but what about the little stuff...What about that plane ride to that conference that I know I'm supposed to go to? What about my wee one's fussiness and fever? Surely that justifies some fear, right? What about all the what if's?

I'm absolutely convinced that if I could see God during those conversations he would be shooshing me before the words got out of my mouth. He says nothing, but with fear there is always some thing.
His response to our fear? Leave it with me. Thank me for the good stuff, talk to me about the bad stuff and leave all those some things with me.

Over the next few days we are going to look at what a life of prayer and thanksgiving looks like...guess what? It doesn't look like fear!

Tomorrow: Day 19: The Prayer-Full Life

Day 17: Fearing Less

We are in the second half of the 31 days! Are you feeling a little braver?

We've really only just begun this journey. Up until this point we have focused on the roots of fear and the places where fear creeps up the most in our lives- in my life. For me dealing with fear has been the process of identifying fear and the searching my heart as to the root of those fears and living daily by the Spirit with the intention of killing those roots of fear.

The goal is to be fearless, but some days I would just settle for fearing less.

I'm a notoriously jumpy person. My husband gets a kick out of this a lot because he knows that he can scare me pretty much anytime he wants to. Fun for him, not so much for me. It seems that after 7 years of marriage I wouldn't startle quite so easy, but I've come to terms with the fact that it is a part of my makeup. I'm always going to jump out of my skin if my husband jumps out from around a corner in our house. That is why, among other reasons, you won't find me at a scary movie or in a haunted house. Not.my.thing.

I know that I'm a jumpy person and I know that I am a fearful person. You would think that after years of living under the weight of fear that I would stop being fearful, but that just isn't the way fear works.

Fear has to be faced down head on.

You can't duck fear. You can't ignore fear and hope that it goes away. You can't befriend fear.

You have to learn what triggers fear, you have to learn how to combat the things you fear, and you have to be willing to step forward even when fear is nipping at your heels. Sometimes that fear can nip hard.

The next few posts are going to be about how to practically combat fear in your heart and mind. 

Tomorrow: Day 18: Anxious for Nothing

Day 16: Raising Fearless Children (Part 2)

When my husband and I found out we were having our first child we began to talk about our hopes and dreams for her. I say "her" because from the time that the line turned pink on the test my husband was convinced it was a girl. What can I say? He was right. Of all the things we talked about at the top of our list was that she (and any other children God might bring into our family) would be fearless.

We have had the joy of being around a lot of kids over the years, both our nieces and nephews as well as many folks who have welcomed us into their families. We have seen all kinds of children. Nerds, jocks, princesses, shy gals, rambunctious boys and Carrhart wearing little rednecks (those might just be my favorites), but the common thread that I have seen woven into my favorite kiddos (yes, I can have favorites because I'm not their parents) is that they have a fearless streak.

One time my nephew hit a tree filled with yellow jackets with a baseball bat. He was told not to and he did it anyway. He got stung. He screamed. He learned. After all was said and done and we determined he was not allergic the adults laughed. He was curious about cause and effect and was just bold (or stupid, yes, I can say it was stupid, but don't let my nephew hear me say that) enough to give it a try. I'm not applauding his disobedience, but I am applauding his curiosity and boldness.

We are a nation of "no!"when it comes to our kids.

No, Timmy don't touch that.
No, Timmy don't do that.
No, Timmy don't go there.
No, Timmy don't say that. 
No, Timmy don't play with those kids.  

We tell them not to explore unless it is within the safest confines possible. The result is that we eventually have children that make poor choices and run head long into the worst and most dangerous of situations because of lack of judgement. We don't teach wisdom we teach risk management. 

I'm not parenting expert. Please don't hear me as someone preaching from a high and lofty position. I'm only a fearful daughter of the bravest and most noble of Kings. He says not to fear and so I'm falling on His grace to live fear free and to parent that way.

We have to be careful that the prohibitions that we put on our children aren't out of our own distrust of God and needless fears. Again we have to set boundaries, but what if our boundaries aren't boundaries, but cages that lead ourselves and our children to live isolated, anxiety-filled lives? If we raise kids who are fearful then their response to life and even more important to God will be:

No God, I can't go there.
No God, I can't do that. 
No God, I can't love that person,
No God, I can't say that. 

If I want my kids to live a life of obedience to God that means I guide them toward fearless living. Parenting is a sanctifying work not of ourselves, but of God. As I teach my daughter to be fearless I am learning how to let go of fear and anxiety. A work that is certainly not my own! The key to raising fearless children is learning to fear less myself.

How have you let your own fears affect your children? How have you worked to raise children who are wise, but also brave? 

 Tomorrow: Day 17: Fearing Less