You've heard the open mic. redo.
Now, here are the details straight from the girl who lived it.
I've been wanting to go to Allume (ok, up until this year Relevant, but we all know that, right?) for the past 3 years. One year I didn't have a chance because I was across the ocean. The next my baby girl kept me close to home as we waited for her to come, Super Woman style (another story altogether), into the world. This year was the year. I stayed up late back in March to get the ticket. I planned and cancelled plans and turned down plans just to be at Allume.
Going to Allume was no small thing. It involved a dear friend coming from NYC to the conference just to watch my wee one who cannot be contained these days. It also involved a plane ride. Feel free to read more about why that was/is a daunting part of the whole journey. God met me at every turn in getting there. He gave me a new friend (WOOT for Reeve!) to help ease the load at the airport. He even put my eaves dropping/spying skills to good use as I nosed my way into Annie Down's life and subsequently made (ok, she offered) her carry my daughter's blanket and stuffed doll onto the plane. Yes, a grown woman with a blanket and doll boarding a plane without a child may get some sideways glances, but I'll let Annie tell you about that.
All of the getting there worked out...it was the thing I was most afraid of...that and hiding in my room the whole weekend. What I wasn't prepared for was to be sick the whole time. Ick. Double ick...I lost my voice. My baby girl was beyond pitiful on Friday making me feel like the worst mama duck ever. The voice loss made me mutter (inside my head for obvious reasons) about how unfortunate and poorly times my ailment was. I mean what was God thinking? I had trouble croaking out conversations to friends that I've been wanting to meet for way too long.
But He knew what He was doing...
I already told you about how God used the voice loss to push me to be bold in sharing my voice. Let me unpack that a bit more. Some of your reading this really struggle with a little thing called Google analytics...or whatever you use to track your blog stats. I do look at mine. This isn't to imply that I don't, but quite frankly I worry more about the fact that people ARE reading my blog than that they aren't. My writing is deeply personal. I may not be insecure about my looks (note my flannel, jeans and no shoes for my open mic performance...sorry, I want to blame the sickness, but...) or anything typical for us ladies, but my writing on the other hand? I feel like a 14 year old girl at her first school dance without a date. I love writing and I am desperate to share it...to have people read and respond to the stories that sit just below the surface. That is why I submitted a post for the (in)courage open mic. I did it to be fearless and I did it because I want my voice to be heard. I submitted a story, but in my head it was more or less like buying a lottery ticket. You do it because you have an extra dollar after buying gas, but you don't really expect to win. I mean, what would you do if you did anyway?
Well, in this case...I won. The prize was facing my insecurity by looking a hundred + women in the eye and reading my words. Then I lost my voice. Gone. So long sucka...Then God said...do it anyway, you're not getting out of this one that easily. I did. He met me there. He met me in the midst of my insecurity and reminded me in a strong way that my writing is a gift and it is one I need to share.
Saturday I felt better and accidentally tripped into Stephanie Bryant's session on branding. I really didn't mean to come (no offense Stephanie...I was meaning to go to a writing lab, but the HBG Hilton needed to give us all a GPS) and I had to leave early, but it was well worth it. I did accidentally make an offhand drug reference to Holley Gerth, but she's just so sweet that she smiled and laughed before I realized it was her. Story. of. my. weekend. Story. of. my. life. I kept ending up around people that I super duper admire and not realizing it I would insert foot in mouth. Back to the branding though...Stephanie gave me an excuse to play on pinterest with purpose...for that I am grateful...Now when my hubs says "You're on pinterest again?" I can say, "Yes, I'm working."
This is the part where I thank Erin Ulrich for being so laid back and knowledgeable about all things blogging and e-publishing. Erin, you're amazing. Your (and Terri Lynne's) book is helping me meet some huge writing goals. That is no small thing. I'll give you free copies of everything I do...because that is all I have to offer.
Finally, Ann Voskamp...If you've visited my blog for more than 5 seconds you've probably picked up on a few things/people that inspire me...The Muppets, hot tea and British shows on PBS (inseparable and thus account for one thing), birth doula-ie stuff, Corrie Ten Boom and yes, Ann Voskamp's writing. I said to a couple of friends at Allume that if I had ended up around Ann I probably would have climbed under a table to hide. I think that made me sound like one of those people who puts famous folks on a pedestal and can't seem to come to grips with the fact that they are normal people. I'm not...ok, there was that one time that I was 10 ft. away from Bono and had sweaty palms and may or may not have had tears in my eyes...but I digress. What I meant is that Ann's writing has laid me bare at times. I'm profoundly grateful to God that He has used something outside of Scripture to speak to my uniquely made heart. Her writing has helped me know that I'm not alone and I believe it has been used in my life to make me a bit more like Jesus. How do you tell somebody that? I guess you just tell them. I would hide under the table to save her my bumbling attempt, but I know that she would soak up every bit of my bumbling attempt with grateful words and heart. Alas, I didn't have to dive under the nearest table. Her closing night words laid me bare. So bare that I had to step out for some air afterwards. God showed me how I draw lines in the sand about my writing and the reach of my words. He also showed me that the only way that my writing will have life behind them is if there is real life behind them or as Ann said "Write on lives then write on screens." She led a room full of bloggers to the foot of the cross and it blessed me profoundly.
Thank you Ann.
Thanks be to God for His indescribable and unexpected gifts.
In closing a few shout outs to my favorite Allume ladies!
Reeve, you are a musician and you sang peace to my heart just by being next to me on the way there. Dawn, thanks for being excited to see my card and for making it so beautiful. You also got me one of the cute orange polka dotted swag bags...bless you. Karen, providentially I sat with you on opening night. You're a gem. By the way how did we end up at the (in)courage table that night? Annie, I'll admit...I've read your blog like 5 times in 3 years, but now I'm reading it a lot more because you are great and your presence made my flying experience better. Alia, your writing makes me a better writer and the more I get to know you the more I realize that your life makes me a better follower of Jesus. Kathi, glad we met. You're a sweetheart and that took me about 5 seconds to realize. Crystal, you're a gifted encourager and I wish I could bottle that post open mic hug you ran to give me. Anna, the moment you walked up to me I knew we were meant to be friends. I hope you feel the same way because other wise I sound crazy with a side of crazy. Lisa-Jo, you're as amazing in person as you are on your blog. That is a big thing to live up to and you do it with beauty, grace, style and as you would say, "awesome sauce". Stefanie, you are genuine and real and I just love your life and energy. YOU inspire me.
I'm sure I am leaving someone out. I'm certain. Leave me a hateful comment if that someone is you.
Oh, I almost forgot...the Five Minute Friday party was a highlight...you ladies knock my socks off. I write like 6 words in 5 minutes and ya'll blow me away with multiple paragraphs that make me laugh, sigh, cry and hit my knees in worship...let's keep doing this 5 minute thing, ok? See ya Thursday nights!
I could say a lot more about my Allume experience. I will leave you with this. I'm writing...a lot. I've got a PDF and a couple of e-books in the works. I hope you'll read them. Because if you don't it will be my mother in law and my hubs...that is just sad and uninspiring.
They are my soul turned inside out.
Ok, gotta go because that stack of Allume swag books is calling my name and I'm relatively certain it'll take me the better part of a year to get through all of them!
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