My Summer in the Rearview Mirror

The summer is slowly fading into the rearview mirror. I took what I called a Summer Sabbathical which meant I stepped away from regular blogging and retreated to the quiet of writing without the pressure to publish or stay on a schedule. It might have been the best idea I have ever had.

Our summer has been all over the place. My husband started a new job. We moved into a another {temporary} house. We went swimming a lot. We traveled some. Mostly we just tried to find pockets of time with the one's we love. It was good. It was what I needed after last Spring's unexpected storyline.

Back in the Spring I decided to step away from the buzz of social media to write and slow down. It was a great choice and along the way I learned a few things. Things which have made me more aware of how I spend my time and direct my energy. I'm easing back into this blogging thing but I thought I would start off by sharing what I learned along the way this summer.

Busyness is a choice. 

I knew this. I really did, but it wasn't until I slowed down completely that I began to question the choices I make on a daily basis to fill my time. I choose to do many things because somewhere along the lines I began to see them as necessary.

As I wound down my pace I recognized much of what I was doing on a regular basis was not tied to God's calling on my life but on a litany of things I think others expect of me. I was astonished at how much margin I began to see in my life when I turned off those outside voices and leaned into the One Voice that matters. 

Balance is key

My summer was a bit experimental. I removed most everything from my plate. Guess what? The world did not fall apart. Imagine that.

But here is the rub. I love blogging. I love being a part of online community. I want to be a writer.

This is where I find myself now. I have hesitated to jump back in fully because I know I struggle with balance. I crave balance in my life and am very sensitive when things get off kilter, but I also find it difficult to strike the necessary balance. I bet a lot of you can relate. I prefer not to spin plates. I like my plates squarely on the table piled high with good food. You too? Pray for me in this, ok?

My voice is bigger than I realize.

I've been blogging for five years and in that time I have stuck to topics that feel safe to me. The stories are sometimes messy but most of the time I try and keep it kosher. I have a rabid fear of conflict.

I don't have a deep desire to be controversial. In fact I get extremely frustrated with writers/bloggers/talkingheads who feel it there place to be inflammatory on purpose. The Lord really spoke to me this summer about the way He has gifted me. I am a discerning person and have always had the ability to cut to the heart of the matter. I have recognized that I need to do this more in my writing.

With that said don't expect me to go wild responding to each new cultural uproar that comes across the news. Part of being discerning is knowing how and when to respond. I pray that I can be faithful as I use my words boldly to point back to the Gospel.

Those are just a few things that I have wrestled with this summer in between jumping off the diving board, tickling a two year old's tummy and applying sunscreen generously. Fall is here and I'm feeling tired and refreshed all at once. The words are flowing, cup of tea in hand and my record player is spinning. Let's do this!

There is much to look forward to in the next couple of months around this space, heck this week is gonna be pretty stellar. Wednesday I am over at Kristen Welch's place for her Works for Me Wednesday series. I hope you'll read because I am sharing the nitty gritty raw place of what it means for me to say "Yes." to God right.this.minute.

Also, I'm going to be spending the day this coming Saturday in The Nester's newly renovated barn with a circle of writers. I'm looking forward to gleaning wisdom from others especially Emily P. Freeman and Christa Wells who are hosting us!

Lastly, I'm about to make a long time dream a reality as I upgrade and rearrange this space. Wednesday I'm having a vintage-inspired photoshoot and by mid-October I hope to launch! All of that right before I journey down to Greenville, SC to hug a few necks and soak up the goodness at Allume. Thanks for your patience and your faithfulness to read my words and encourage me so deeply. I'm a whole lot of grateful!

Embrace What Gives You Life

Photo Credit:
My soul is quiet for some reason these days.

I have lots that I want to say and lots more that I want to write and string together in words. But lately I've been content to play on the floor with my wee girl and drink cups of tea through the cold winter days.

I used to think that meant living small. I used to think that I wasn't doing something big for God when I am tending to the small, but this year of embrace is teaching me different.

For years I have hoped and hoped that these words of mine would sling themselves far and that someone, anyone, would notice them. A few months ago someone did notice them and it bolstered my hope, but it really didn't change anything.

I read just a week ago about sweet Sarah Mae and her retreat into hiding so that the hidden things of the Spirit can take root. That is a level of "embracing" that I am in awe of. I resonate deeply with her heart. I want to have something to write because I've lived a thousand more God stories. A thousand more stories lived full and unhindered, un-distracted by my self-imposed list of should's.

There are things that I feel called to very strongly- writing is one of those things. I still feel it in my bones that I need to continue to stretch my wings and let the Lord take this gift where He will. But I've been re-thinking how this looks and how it contributes to the life of my family- how it really contributes to giving me life. How does it contribute to making a life?

I think we put a lot of time and energy into things that don't give us life. Let me re-state; I put a lot of time and energy into things that don't give me life. As a birth doula I learned that a woman in labor needs to focus her energies. Worry. Fear. Needless distraction. It doesn't expedite the ultimate goal of labor- literally bringing forth life- in fact those things can hinder that process.

All my busyness. The late night scrawled blog posts, the mindless scrolling through social media, the need to create something that gets seen. It doesn't give me life.

The things that I need to embrace are the things that bring the most life to me and my family. So you're going to see some changes around here.

First, I'm posting anything that I find that gives me life.

Maybe it will be a quote or image. Maybe it will be a long-winded piece of original writing. Maybe it will be a re-vamped archival posts. Maybe it will be a recipe that found me laughing over tea with another struggling mama like myself. Maybe it is something to make you snort with laughter- because golly goodness I need at least one of those kinds of laughs each day. Maybe it is a reminder that my laundry is as high as yours and my coffee went cold before I had a chance to take a sip. Maybe it might be silence for a week or more.

I'm breaking all the blog rules because I only want to do things that contribute to a more focused, joyful, wholehearted life. I really only want one thing; Jesus. I'm taking a Jacob style approach to "embrace" and I'm not letting go until God blesses. Even if it hurts me. Regardless of whether I lose followers or ever get a book deal.

I'm going to be moving soon (in real life and online) to a new space where I can continue to stretch my wings. That move has been a long time coming and it is one that I'm excited and nervous about.

Just one more thing to embrace this year! 

{As I prepare for the move I'd love to have you join the community on my facebook page. I'm going to be asking for your help as I make my move. I want to create a space for myself and for you. So make sure you've "Liked" the page so that can happen, ok?}

The New Year Starts NOW

Sometimes I wish life had a backspace button.

A little something I could click to back my way out of a string of days that feel wasted and have left me feeling like a waste of space.

I had high hopes for the first few weeks of 2014. After a month of holidays, travel and family I was ready to put two feet on the floor and hands to the task.

Let it be noted that I am a terrible patient. I hate being sick so when the beginnings of a sore throat started I mumbled and grumbled and prayed it wasn't so. Well, it was so and now the question has become SO?

How do you get your feet under you when time just seems to have gotten away?

My husband, ever the pragmatist, noted that Lysol claims to get rid of 97% of all germs on surfaces and that is a reasonable ratio to drive sales of their products. His point being that I have just as much of a year left and that shouldn't be reason to give up on plans, goals, dreams and motivation.

I know, I know...What kind of crazy person gives up a week in because of a cold?

{Raises hand. Hangs head in shame}

It was a really bad and horribly unproductive week. It left me feeling like an insignificant, incapable speck and that no good voice in my head was blaring as loud as ever.

For all my blabbing about grace it is in the muck that I still find how little grace I have with myself. 

I am far too quick to judge myself against a litany of to dos rather than extend grace to myself and the truth that God already has.  

My One Word for 2014 is "Embrace" so here I am to embrace that the first week of the year could use a do over, but in light of that physical impossibility and my lack of a time machine I'll settle for leaning into the grace that God goes before us in all things. He already new the first week would be a bust. Now I've got to lean hard on Him so that the other 51 weeks won't be.

Because that is really the issue, isn't it? I couldn't control what happened that first week, but God was never not in control. While I was berating myself for failures and having two left feet as I dance through life God was telling me that in Him all things are possible.

I'm sure some of you are wishing for a do over for the first bit of 2014. My husband offered me a restart on the year and I'm taking him up on it. A new chance at the new year is just what I need. I bet some of you are needing the same.

Permission granted.

Embrace and Let Go

We all know the feeling. The lurch in your stomach when you feel like who you are just isn't who you should be. That drop in your gut when you realize that what you have looks like a piddly sum next to her new this or nicer that. The pressure that you just feel like you fail miserably at living up too.

It can be awfully easy to live under a weight of fear, comparison and discontent and not even realize it. The only thing that a weight like that can do is crush you. It will crush you with fear and compound itself with insecurity and maybe no one else sees it but believe me when I say it will keep you from living fully God's vision for your life.

For two years I've wrestled fear until I realized that I was only Jacob's daughter, a thousand times removed, in a grudge match with God. Wrestling needlessly for the blessing when He had already given it full and free.

It was back in September- before Allume and God's big nudge to keep doing this writing thing. I had begun to feel God truly beginning to make a dent in my fearful heart. Under all the hardened fear of the "what ifs" He was unearthing the soft pliable truth of the "what could be's" and in the midst of it all He gave me a word for this coming year.

Embrace. 

It was a whisper. A whisper that I only heard because I'd been listening closer than ever to the sound of His voice.

It sounded a bit like this...

Stop worrying about who you are or who people think you are and just embrace who I made you to be. You get this one life to fling your arms around wide and I've given you everything you need so stop running scared, turn around, open the arms and heart and embrace it all.

The ugly.
The hard.
The work ahead.
The beauty.
The loss.
The quirky sense of humor.
The busted expectations.
The worn out.
The grace.

Embrace grace and you'll never hold tight to fear. 

And there it was. The permission I'd been looking for from underneath the crushing weight of fear. Embrace it all and you'll find you're embracing me, the God with us, the God for us, the God who cannot fail.

Sisters, this may be my "One Word" for 2014 but I have a sneaking suspicion that it is a word for us all.

I confess that I have no clue, at least not fully, how this word is going to turn my (or your's, maybe?) world upside down this year, but I'm certain that it will. I have a few ideas. The first is an idea so big that I wanted to share it with as many people as I could so I'll be over at (in)courage near the end of January to tell everyone about it.

I don't see "embrace" as a word for women who appear to be living small lives huddled in isolation. No, "embrace" is a call to me and all of us to take hold of who God is making us to be and to live it without fear.

The thing is, in order to embrace all of God's promises, we have to let go of some lies. The lie that we're enough or that we can do it all or perhaps worse even, she can do it all.

It is a Kingdom of paradoxes. Grab hold of God. Embrace Jesus. Let go of the rest.
Embrace and let go.

2014 here we come.

I'd love to hear some more of your words for 2014! Share them in the comments or over on my facebook page!

My One Word for 2014

{I'm back a bit early from my blog break with my "One Word" for 2014!}
Two years ago I made my "One Word" for the year "Fearless". I had no idea at the time that the ramifications of that choice would stretch into every area of my life as God challenged me to lean into Him and let go of the hand of fear.

Fear had a firm grasp and after a year of "Fearless" it was still gripping my hand and pulling me along as I scraped to get away. I tried to choose another word. I wanted "Love" or "Joy" or another sunny sounding word to be my mantra for the year. Instead I found myself scrawling a new notecard with "Fearless" and pinning it over my desk.

I felt like a failure. I felt like there must be something I missed that was keeping me bound by fear.

The truth was that I had missed something. I had missed Jesus.

Photo Credit: rishibando via Compfight cc 

Two years and a heck of a fist fight with fear later and I'm  unveiling my "One Word" for 2014 over at Velvet Ashes today! Curiosity got your goat? Go on over and take a peek! 

I'll be back on tomorrow with more on what this "One Word" means for the year ahead. 

Q: Do you have "One Word" for the year? Let's hear them!