The End of The Chase {Really Just the Beginning}

I'm tired ya'll. 

It's a miracle that I've made it 26 out of the 31 days with this little writing experiment. If you know me then you know planning isn't my strong suit. I would love to be someone who writes a dozen posts ahead of time, but if I have two posts pre-written for the next week I feel pretty much golden.

The tiredness isn't from writing 31 days although admittedly I am ready to write some other things and to have a day or two in between posts to catch my breath and do other things here on the internets.

This month has been a fight for joy amidst busyness and doing all.the.things. you don't want to do at once. We're under threat of snow today. I'm not exactly crazy about the idea on November 1st, but I need the stillness that winter brings. I need the dormancy of winter and contemplation to reignite my bones for the chase. 

Running makes you tired. The pursuit of God can energize us and wear us thin all at once. He promised in this world we would have trouble, but then He sweetly leans in and tells us to take heart because He's got this thing. 

He's got this. We're His and this chase isn't going to break us.

 We will stumble. We will fall. Keep moving forward. Keep embracing the light in the every day and searching it out in the darkness.

I wish I could tie this series up with a nice little bow, but my own light chasing journey is messy and real. Running with fleetness of heart and foot is exhausting and exhilarating and my two left feet trip me up more times than not. Because at the end of the day it seems to be a dance more than a chase and His lead is gentle in all the rough worn places of my following.

At the end of it all I know that I need Jesus, I need others and I need to believe in the darkness that His Light is unfailing faithful to burst through.

{Thanks for walking with me these last 31 days. This next month I have a new site going up, new surprises and announcements about where I am going and the community I want to continue building. So let's keep chasing light together, ok?}

When You Hit the Wall and There Is No Runner's High

I hate the burn in my lungs from running. I've been told a million times you can push past and a runner's high is second to none, but me? I'd rather dance it out or do ANYTHING other than run.

Chalk it up to my small stature and lung capacity. Running has never been my thing. I've tried and I'll keep trying, but I'm doubtful that I'll be running a marathon...well...ever.

Running takes determination and endurance. It requires motivation and lazy people need not apply.

There will be miles that you don't feel like continuing on and you'll want to stop. My friends who run tell me if you push through and believe you can do it  you catch a second wind. They tell me it isn't near the finish line that you breach exhaustion. No, it's right in the arduous middle.

Ya'll, I hit a wall yesterday in the chase.

October has been looney tunes for my family. A month plus of engineering exam studying for my husband, constant travel for his job, two weekend mission's conferences, his exam and my trip to Allume has made for an overflowing month. October with it's glow usually finds me reveling in it's beauty, but I've wished again and again for it to pass right on into the past this year.

Yesterday was the day that broke my back...actually it was my knee. I could see the light. My husband was headed home from his final trip of the month. I was headed to the gym with only the lightest morning sickness and then something in my knee popped- like the bad kind of pop where you know nothing good can come of the next few steps.

It seems that my loosened pregnancy joints caused me to strain the muscle that connects my thigh to my knee. Oh goodie. Cue the self pity as I try and hobble around behind my almost three year old. I'm sad to say that little injury drained all the light right out of my day. I'm ashamed at how easily I stumble into the darkness. 

The writer of Hebrews called us all out to run the race before us with endurance. I gasp for air at the first signs of difficulty. Increase the grade of my chase and I'm quick to complain of the difficulty. 

My knee injury has been a forced slow down in my life. I sat in the waiting room at the doctor's office today and read the words of James over and over as he reminded me to consider the trials joy because they are making me more like Jesus. I needed to tune my heart back to His voice. I needed the Spirit to re-energize me in the chase.

Don't be confused because chasing light isn't about a try hard brand of Christianity. It's about leaning hard into the Spirit when we feel too weak to continue on. It's about believing that our second wind in our weakness is the very Spirit of the living God alive inside of us.

After all isn't that what this chasing light thing is all about? 

God, Jesus, Creator of light, the Spirit that fills us wants us to live in the light ever becoming more like our brother and Savior Christ. I will stumble and my lungs will blaze hot with the effort at times. I will want to stop and I might even momentarily take a knee as I wonder if I can make it.

I am confident that the Spirit will meet me there in my dark moments of wondering and push me forward in my chase.

Tell me about your month of light chasing. Where has it taken you? 

Let Me Have a Sip of That: A Chasing Light Love Story

It was nine years ago today when I slipped my hand through my brother's arm and walked down the aisle toward my husband-to-be. One of those perfect autumn days where the colors blaze the breeze blows warm and the possibilities seem endless.

The other night he reminded me of the life we've lived in these short nine years. We've had more adventure in our few years then some have in their whole lifetime.

He is the only man who I want to share my food with. Scratch that. He's the only human being that I am remotely willing to share my food with. {I have a problem} Save our children who take their portion of mama's food by force- something I'm still growing accustomed too.

He is always the more generous one. He is the first to give and the one to slide his drink across the table for me when I ordered water. Because he knows I'm going to ask for a sip of sweet tea.

We've crossed oceans and almost been homeless and wondered about money and how we would make it. We've found the humor in most of it and the broken beauty in the rest and we've believed in a God of redemption together.

Our lives have changed. Our roles have changed. He's the silliest Daddy and I don't know if he fully knows how much that brown-eyed little look-alike girl of his loves him. I know I love him more for all of his love for her that I get to front row seat to watch. It heals me in all the father-less places.

And to think it all began with a walk to see a pig...yes, a pig. We walked to see how the Christmas pig was fattening up and then I ran away from him. But God wouldn't let me run too far from this brown-eyed boy and a year later we were married.

He is the smartest, wisest, funniest, bravest man I know.

My life has been brought closer to the Light by His lead. 

I think Light chasing might be the best part of our marriage. I'm continually amazed at the pull he has on me. He can find me where I am in my fear and shrinking and he points me again and again to truth. He is a live piece of Jesus that puts my life in perspective again and again. 

I have discovered it is infinitely better to chase light together. 

Yes, it gets messy. There are dark days when you'd rather roll over and turn out the light in silence then roll to the middle and invite the Light of God into the mess that is your marriage. We've learned to navigate the darkness always steering toward the Light. I'm glad those dark days have been far outnumbered by the days bursting with Light. That is God at work.

When my lungs have burned from the effort to find God in the cracks of life he has pointed and pushed and believed with me that God has not abandoned us. 

I don't have a grand point. I'm grateful, humbled and oh so happy the bearded man who makes my life is coming home today from his travels. I could have spent the last nine years a thousand different ways, but I'm glad that I've spent each one with him. There's no one I'd rather chase light alongside. 

We're Each Others Light

She sits alone in a darkened room. The light barely peeking through the window is just much for her eyes, her heart. She turns away and burrows into heavy pillows and blankets and buries the pain, hurt and the exhaustion. She shivers cold in the dark of it all because the heat of blankets can't warm the coldness of a body, a soul living far from the Light.

We've all had moments as this woman. Some of us have had more moments and more struggles with depression and darkness wrestling than others. There is no place so dark that the Light, the first Light that was called from the darkness, can't find a way in. We are the way in.

Me and You. Sisters.

We are the conduit to get Light into the darkness of those around us.

Darkness isolates and bullies and we have to be the voices, the candle holders, the lamp lighters that drive away the dark for each other.  We can find each other in blackened through and through places.

Miscarriage, babes who won't sleep through the night, disease wrecking a body, a marriage on the cliff's edge, are all places that we can find each other slipping into the darkness.

I need my sisters. I need to be seen by them. I need them to know when I am stumbling toward the darkness. I desperately long for them to speak truth and invite the Light into my life.

There are times that I don't want the Light. It's the same feeling you get when your eyes have grown accustomed to the dimness and a light is suddenly turned on. You shrink back. You long for the darkness because the light requires too much of you.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:5

I've experienced the pull of those in the Light. They call me out. They wrap me up in truth and remind me that the Light is warmth and peace. The Light is my greatest need.

How have you been drawn into the Light by others?

Why We Might be Looking too Low {Day 27}

I've been chasing light quietly away from my computer. I was at the Allume conference over the weekend and I was filled and wrung dry at the same time.

In another universe I would have been way ahead on the 31 Days posts, but in this universe? The one I live and breathe and potty train a toddler in? It just wasn't happening.

I'm back at home in my glorious ordinary with dishes stacked high, a wheezing washing machine and a new scented candle to cover up that smell I can't seem to track down.

This is my life and the messy middle of where I chase light. 

I was inspired this past weekend by something one of the Allume keynote speakers said. Confession: I was super tired in the evenings while at the conference. Chalk it up to not enough caffeine and a wee baby growing in my belly (hadn't you heard?) but it was all I could do to track along with the evening speakers.

As I zoned in and out of consciousness at Timothy Willard's keynote I managed to catch one thing. I'm constantly looking for God to show up right in front of me in my plain old everyday. I think that is good. I think He is very present. However, Tim asked us to allow our gaze to be drawn upwards.

Some days those dishes, and my friends illness, and the rattle in the front end of the car are all a bit much. If we aren't remembering, yes God is with us in all of the details, but He is also over all of them.

God is gloriously high above our dirt stained earth problems. 

We are an entertainment obsessed culture. We want to be awed, but our threshold for being awed has increased until it is almost entirely out of reach. God wants us to be awed by Him. The One who carved with His finger the canyons and coaxed the mountains to rise up into the sky. He calls us beloved and longs for us to stare at Him with the wonder of it all.

Light offends. Stare into the sun and you will be blinded.

I wonder what a steady gaze above to the truth of our God, mighty to save yet gentle to stoop, would do for our everyday.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my strength come?" Psalm 121:1

If we could see Him with us in all and arching His love over all then maybe we would start walking and living in a way that pours itself out from the overflow of who He is and not our limited humanness.

Do you see God over all the little in your life? Tell me your story of being in awe of God.  

All Grown Up and Full of Light {My Compassion Sponsorship Story}

At eighteen I signed up to be a Compassion sponsor. She was a tiny thing and her deep brown eyes shown off the page and right into my heart. Her name was Charlotte and I could only imagine the scars left on her family following the all to recent Rwandan genocide.

My Rwandan daughter is now the same age as I was when I sent my first sponsorship check in. She's tall and always wears a Mona Lisa style smirk like she knows a secret. I just love her.

It's funny how my history has become entwined with Charlotte growing up. Since becoming her sponsor I've gotten married, moved all over including Africa, and had my first child. As she has grown so has our family and I'm glad that I've been able to share my life with her family half way around the world.

Time and again I receive simple letters full of gratitude and updates about what season it is and what her family is growing. They are never flashy, but I read between the lines and realize that her life is different because I chose to use my meager resources differently. My willingness to be her sponsor was an invitation to the very Light of God. 

When I decided to be a Compassion sponsor I remember having friends who questioned and discouraged me about it. I'm glad that I didn't listen.

There are places where only you can shine light. There are people that only your two hands can reach out toward. They are across the road and down the aisle and on the other side of the tracks or the world, but they are all within your reach.

Charlotte is a shining light herself now. I know that she's going to be a beacon in her community wherever God takes her.

This is my small story as a Compassion sponsor. It's not a plea for sponsorships- although I'm a big advocate for the work that Compassion does- but what I am asking is for you to look around and find big and small ways to chase light out into the open. Use your God given creativity and the opportunities that show up in your daily life to find those in darkness and shine the Light of God into their lives.

Love Spoke So Much Louder

She shimmied her jeans up twisting and turning to get them over hips expanded by two babies born, two babies in heaven and years of yo-yo dieting. Her sides streaked by cream colored marks against her tan skin. I sat on the bed knees pulled to my chest and I thought her beautiful. It never crossed my mind that my mom might not think the same thing about herself.

She died when I was twelve and the memories I have of her are faded and worn around the edges. I'm a mama myself now and I look at my own wider-than-they-once-were hips and I sigh deep about what once was. I know that she must have done the same as she wrestled those jeans up over her backside.

I remember the day she had lost enough weight to shop at the non-plus-size stores. We went to the mall for a mini-shopping spree. It was the mid-nineties and the Gap was everything. She bought a jean jumper and a sleeveless turtleneck sweater and it was as if she could have been Friends with Rachel and Monica. I had never seen her look like such a cool mom.

But there again I never heard my mom's struggle with her outer appearance. She never said, "Oh, I'm so fat!" or "I wish I was as pretty as {insert whoever}" or "I hate this about me." Her struggle was silent though I realize now there must have been an internal battle raging.

We all knew that girl in high school (or confession time...maybe we were that girl?) who always said things like, "Ugh, I am just.so.fat." when she couldn't have weighed more than a buck ten. My mom struggled with her weight her whole life and I am reasonably certain she would have wanted to slap that girl silly, but I digress.

Our words matter. How we speak about the way we see ourselves reflects our understanding of how God sees us. Some of us have deep scars that have to do with our physical bodies. Some of our wounds have been inflicted by other people. Some of our deepest cuts have been made by words spoken to our reflection in the mirror. Some of us are still fighting a battle with beauty that rages in our everyday.

I'm sharing the rest of this story over at Velvet Ashes today and I'm offering this up as part of my 31 Days of Chasing Light series. God created us unique in all our imperfections and yes, there are things that we would like to change and some that we actually can change, but sometimes we just need to rest in the beauty that God has given us. The kind of light and beauty that radiates from our hands and soul. 

If you haven't gotten a chance click back over to Sunday's post and enter to win a copy of Emily P. Freeman's book A Million Little Ways. 

Photo Credit: davedehetre via Compfight cc

When You Think Your Work Doesn't Matter to God {Day 21}

I once went to a week long basketball camp at a university several hours away from home. I didn't even make it onto my jr. high team the following year. It broke my heart. Now I realize that some of you are snickering at this point because you know me in real life and realize I don't quite hit the 5' mark. All I will say is; Muggsy Bogues. Google him.

I went on to be a decent athlete in high school as a volleyball player- yes, another sport known for players with height- and cheerleading. Petite, spunky and loud, cheerleading was my sweet spot.

Truthfully my lackluster athletic career isn't the point of this post. No, my point is a lot of us spend a lot of time and energy on things that drain us of life. We chase after things that we just weren't made to do and suffer disappointment after disappointment trying to fit into someone else's mold.

One of the things that my husband is so amazing at is encouraging people to see their vocations as a means of Gospel work. Do you have a mind for business? Do you have practical mechanical skills? What is it that you do that God can use for your good and His glory?

There is a bit of a misnomer in the Christian world that to be affective in ministry you need to have letters like MDiv and Phd following your name. I have many friends who do and I am astounded at their knowledge and ability to share with others. But I also have some pretty amazing friends who are artists, nurses, counselors, dancers, mechanics, farmers, stay at home moms, writers, dentists, cosmetologists, engineers, pilots {and on and on} and I can't imagine God doesn't have vast and amazing uses for each of them to bring about His purposes.

When God created you He did so with purpose. He didn't just take the remnants of His palette and throw some paint on a canvas. No, He specially chose the shades and medium to make you into who you are; His unique creation in His image.

What you do with your two hands matters to God. Find a way to use it for His glory and you will come alive as you experience His presence in your work.

My husband will squeeze trips overseas into his work schedule this year so that He can work on water and sanitation projects, encourage the international church and plant seeds of the Gospel. He gets that His work matters. He believes that your work matters too.

Part of chasing light is seeing how God has made you and embracing the intricacy and following His call to use your skills wherever they lead, even to the ends of the earth.

Do you believe that your work matters? How have you seen God use what you do in daily life for His purposes? 

Don't forget to enter to win a copy of Emily Freeman's A Million Little Ways! I'll announce the winner on Friday.

For Those of You Who Don't Think You're Creative

She layers paint and squirts glitter glue and I look at her sideways to see her grin. She is creating. She probably won't be the next Matisse, but in this moment with her face streaked every shade of paint on her palette one thing is evident; she is an artist. 

I found the term "chasing light" one day when I was googling how to take better photos. I'm a notoriously terrible photographer with aspirations of greatness- even if it is only taking photos of my kids or random shots of stuff around my house for blog post.

All the great photographers know how to catch light in their frames. Their shots are pure reflection of the light surrounding their subjects. Ansel Adams black and whites stun us because even in their monochromatic scheme we see light changing and shifting. It is beauty undeniable.

My gift is not fine art. I can draw a solid stick figure but that is about it. My mom wouldn't let me take dance so my both my feet are still lefties. I love to craft, but I am far from a perfectionist and that comes out in my failed attempts at most pinteresty projects.

Some of you are reading this and you're thinking you aren't creative. You are thinking you see the world in black and whites without a whole lot of variation. I would argue your art is your passion not your ability in any given thing.

We have this amazing creator God who fashioned us from dust, seeing the potential in the most base things. I am certain that there is something in your life that makes you come alive and our gifts vary from teaching children to engineering jet planes to stirring a pot of soup. We are creators begot by the Creator and we see life in a million different places unique to each one of us. 

We invite the Light of God into our lives when we explore things that awaken us to His creative hand in our lives. We're creative beings not because we made a crazy hard wreath we pinned or built our house using entirely recycled barn wood.

We're creative beings because our Maker possesses unlimited creativity. 

My sweet little girl is an artist not because she has potential to attend the Art Institute of Chicago, but because the image of God, in all His wondrous creativity, is imprinted on her very soul.

{In case you missed the GIVEAWAY of  a signed copy of Emily P. Freeman's A Million Little Ways from yesterday click back over and leave a comment about what makes you come alive. I'll choose a winner on Friday!}

  

Resources for the Light Chasers {Vol. 6 + a Giveaway!}

I eluded to it on Friday, but this week we're going to talk about what it is to reflect the Light of the one in whose image we're created. Last year, after reading Emily P. Freeman's book A Million Little Ways, I was deeply inspired by the notion that life is meant to be lived open handed to the unique way God has created me and gifted me to create in my own way.

I want you to be inspired in the same way so I'm happy to give a reader a signed copy of Emily's book. It will encourage, inspire and challenge you to embrace the art you were uniquely made to live. Just make sure to keep your copy away from your toddler...ask me how I know {see above photo}.

To enter leave a comment about the unique art that is you! What makes you come alive?

Is it serving others? Is it your ability to solve problems? Is it attention to detail? Is it wielding a paintbrush? Whatever it is, share it. I'll choose a winner on Friday!

Resources for the Light Chasers {Vol. 5: My Five Best Chasing Light Albums}

It's no secret around here that I love music something fierce. Certain albums find me coming back again and again for the way they sing straight into my heart with their words and melodies. They sometimes feel like a barricade against the darkness. I thought I would share a few of them with you. I hope they find you where you are and encourage your heart onward in the chase.

What We've Learned So Far...{Day 17}

We've talked about the dark depths of a broken world. We've agreed that our day to day is full of choices with one real choice guiding our lives being the choice to live in the Light. We're clinging to the promise that in the dark God doesn't change as the shadows shift. In the midst of the everyday plain as day work we've found places to worship, but we've acknowledged that in the middle of the hard dark that worship is hard fought.

Chasing light is no joke.

Next week we're going to turn the idea of chasing light, the Light of the world, on it's head. Maybe the light we are chasing is the Light that reflects pure out of us when we are living our calling, serving our neighbor and creating as we were created to do?

{Day 16} When Worship Is Hard But His Promises Hold True

Yesterday I wrote about worship and sacrifice and the metamorphosis of heart and spirit those two things have been in my own life.

I brought up worship because I have found on any given day, good or bad, the posture of my heart toward God is directly correlated to my experience of His Light. 

Worship is the choice to live in the Light.

The pit can be dark and bottomless, but if worship, praise and thanks to the Father is on my lips then the Light can slip right in. As I declare with my heart He is faithful I am reminded truly He is even if in the moment I feel faithless.

 Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. {Hebrews 13:15}

On the days I stand up to my elbows in the muck of life and up to my eyeballs with this broken world worship becomes a sacrifice of my selfish soul. My flesh inclines to level accusations and stack my idols tall. Chasing light means cracking the blinds of my dark heart to see God's goodness shines steady. It doesn't make it easy, but it does make Him worthy. 

Two days ago the wind whipped and howled and the very next day autumn blazed in blues, golds and greens. Each day God was present, never changing in the shifting shadows both of a storm and gloriously golden fall. 

Our worship is idolatry if we worship only when the flame blazes in our souls. 

The reality is that the God who is all Light lives by the Spirit in us and we worship in beauty or bleakness all the same. We wake up and regardless of the day before or the day behind us we can plant ourselves on the firm ground of thanksgiving for what we hold in our hand right now. 

We hold the substance of ancient faith, hope and love, the very promises of God. 

Promises to be near to the brokenhearted. 
Promises to bind up our wounds. 
Promises to heal. 
Promises to love with a steadfast never ending sort of love.
Promises to be with us in the pit. 
Promises enough to fill more blog posts and books then this world can hold.

{Day 15: Chasing Light} Where I Worship

I used to think that worship is what happened in a room full of others with voices lifted high. Then I began to think that it happens when you stand awed on a cliff's edge at sunset.

Now worship looks like like loading a dishwasher.

Worship is what I do when I set aside my own wants for another. 

The hem of my shirt wet from the edge of the sink, picking bits of food out of the drain. Browning hamburger at eight in the morning so that a crockpot can simmer supper for my clan all day. Loads of laundry constantly cycling again and again world without end. A tiny girl needing cuddles and potty training.

There are days when I want none of it. I want to sit and write or run and hide. 

Then God says to me that the greatest love is to lay down my own life for another.

When I am doing the work of love I am doing the work of worship.

Because we have to ask ourselves if it is real worship when there is no sacrifice? If our worship is only in the mountain top moments then what is it we worship?

I am guilty of worshiping ease. 

If our praise doesn't come with sacrifice then maybe we are worshiping the gifts. The Giver of life sacrificed His life for us and is worthy of worship. But then you read on and He asks us to do the same. We are commanded to take up a cross and follow Him in the brutal work of dying.

He claims that somewhere in the midst we will find worship. We will find dying let's our breath be pure praise.

The light filters through the window and finds me singing with pruned hands, elbow deep in soapy water. This is where I worship. Hair falling down, disheveled, serving a meal, washing a dish, worshiping my King.

Where do you worship? 

{Day 14} When the Shadows Shift He Shines Faithful

Our God is unchanging. 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. {James 1:17}

I remember being perched on the church pews I had sat upon a thousand times before for Sunday service, but this time it was for my mother's funeral. I was twelve years old and wore the Easter dress my mama had bought me a few months before, light and gauzy in late June.

God was thick among us reminding us that He never, never let's us go. I felt it. It overwhelmed me.

Fast forward nearly ten years. I walked the aisle toward my husband to be, said vows that I was yet to understand and was bound heart and soul to a man I was only beginning to know. God was thick in the room that day too. His Spirit singing over our new marriage.

Earlier this week I was reminded that God's presence is with us in the pit. David said that we could descend to the deepest ocean trench and God would be there. When God spoke the Law to Moses on the mountain top He was also down among the people who worshiped a golden calf in His very presence. 

It's easy to see Him in the good. It's easy to feel His presence when we are not in the muck and mire of sin. We don't have to fight for it. God shines bright with no clouds to obscure. But let the clouds pass over us, let death or disease graze our lives, and we begin to think that He has changed His mind, His course, His heart for us.

He has not. 

Whatever we dare to think of God when His Light has to fight through the clouds and the cracks let it not be that God has changed. He is the same God, the same Spirit, the same Jesus mighty to save. When the shadows shift He shines faithful.

He will remind us that He is God. That He calms waves and moreover walks to us on the stormy waters. And when we say, "I can't." He says "Lift your eyes." Lift your eyes to the clouds because if even just one ray makes it through the fog and to our hearts we will know that He is brightly shining in the darkness.

I write this and as I do across my little town is a family celebrating and grieving their teenage sons life cut short. The rain is pouring and I know that their eyes are dim. Many of our eyes are dim. Dim to the light that pours along with the rain.

The clouds reflect the Light and we are not swallowed up in darkness. Never. Because when God said, "Let there be light" there was and His is Light unstoppable, never changing, never ceasing.

Resources for the Light Chasers (Vol. 4)

This little diddy has been on repeat in my house for months. It's truth and it is foot stompin' good music. Let it wash over your tired bones and strengthen your weak eyes.  Back to light chasin' tomorrow.

Resources for the Light Chasers (Vol. 3)

I'm so blessed by the light chasers that fill this worldwide web with pure light. Let's be real and admit that the interwebs can be a dark place. I've long been of the opinion that we, the Gospel loving Easter people, need to take this thing by the horns and use our sphere of internet influence to redeem it for good.

Here are a few links to fill you with light today. Some are recent finds and others are articles I come back to again and again for the way they bolster hope in my heart or make me reflect deeply.

What Creativity Really Means by Jennifer Dukes Lee 
I Do Believe (Help) by Joanna Swart over at Velvet Ashes {A post on doubt, because we all have.}
History of Hymns: "It Is Well With My Soul"
{This is a hymn history story you need to know and this particular writing really brings the truth full circle.}
When You Wonder if What You Create is Any Good by Ann Voskamp
{I have this printed out and it lives on my desk. For each of us who struggle with the worth of the work of our hands.}
Photographer captures 4 sisters over 40 years in 40 portraits 
{There is something so beautiful to me about this series of photos. I discovered it this past week and it made me thing long and hard about the passing of time and the way it molds and changes us.}
An Open Letter to the Ones Whose No Didn't Count {From my friend Alia, this is the hard beautiful kind of light chasing and truth telling.}
Mary Maxwell Gives Hilarious Prayer Turned Comedy Act at a Dinner {Laughter and light go hand in hand. This woman, stoic as she may be, brings it.}

Out of the Pit

I've seen churches fight and fall apart.
I've seen friendships and families feud and fall to pieces.
I've broken promises that broke relationships.

The pit is a place we can end up together. The darkness hides us from each other. Sometimes we end up in the pit because we've been hiding from each other. Most times we end up in the pit because we've forgotten Jesus lifted us out in the first place.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5

The work of being in community with one another is hard. The invitation to live life with others is appealing on the surface, but walk with another for very long and you'll start to see their cracks. Worse even, they'll start to see yours.

Jesus was amazing about being in the pit with others. He called to the disciples in the storm. He wept with his friends after Lazarus' death. He saw others in the pit. Instead of pointing fingers He pointed to His Father.

The man in all of history who could have pontificated and laid low his friends didn't. He shone grace into their darkness and eventually illuminated their lives with the pure light of His resurrection and salvation come to fruition.

But in those moments when we've been slighted or betrayed we are quick to forget where we've come from. The pit is where we start. The pit isn't somewhere we end up because we messed up.

The Gospel is about our lives born from the pit. We're born dead and it is the very life of Christ that revives us. Do we forget where we came from?

We were dead. We were separated from God. His wrath placed on us for all eternity.

"But Jesus..." Those words are the sweetest in all the world and we can sing them for all eternity and we can sing them into the depths of each others despair. Because Jesus is the only ladder out of the pit. Jesus is the Light that John the Baptist heralded.

When we are chasing light we're really chasing Jesus and He is waiting to be caught. He is waiting to capture our hearts with His Light.

On a daily basis I am tempted to give others grief, lip and my two cents. Sometimes I falter and forget grace. I forget that the measure I've been given is the measure I am to give.

 Are you awed by how far God brought you from the pit?
{We've plumbed the dark and seen it in our own hearts. Now we take to the chase. I'm excited about where this is headed. The good stuff is yet to come so make plans to join me in the coming days.}

The Choice of a Lifetime

Recently the video and story of a woman diagnosed with end stage brain cancer went viral. It has caused much heated debate because the woman, Brittany, is choosing to end her own life on her own terms. I watched the video and my reason for bringing it up is not political. It has been hotly debated and I've recoiled at some of the ugly spewing from people across the internet. 

I think that her desire to end her life before cancer does speaks to something deep about our journey on earth regardless of what we think of her choice. 

Every fitful scramble to cling to life is a clawing to get away from death. Death is the epitome of darkness. 

Who cares if we live forever if we live like the walking dead each day? 

We have bad days. I've had my fair share when all I wanted was grey skies and blankets thrown over my head to hide the tear stains on my cheeks.

Life is a choice. 

Choosing life is quite simply the choice of a lifetime either in the light or huddled in the dark.

We like to romanticize the idea of living "all in" when a terminal illness is diagnosed. Books, movies, songs are written about living full when death is knocking. I'd rather live grateful and heart full without a diagnosis looming. I'd rather live today while I still think I have tomorrow rather then staring down a timer while climbing Machu Picchu. 

Yes, death can come for us and steal our hope, our ability and our very breath, but death can never truly steal life. No, if death has our life in it's clutches it is because we opened our hands willingly and gave it away. 

I stir the cast iron pot full of soup and inhale the salty steam that rises. I'm feeding my family and in a small way feeding my soul. The weight of questions can weigh hard on any given day. The weight of the questions stirring in my soul, churning away in my mind daily. 

How do I live life full when some days drain me empty heart and soul?

I think of my friend Rachel with a future uncertain, and I watch in awe as she wrestles with the unknown and through tears clings to Hope. We cup mugs and we talk about marriage and we live today. He gives us just enough light for today. You can live in the light even when the darkness looms close.

Some day I might get a diagnosis and someone might say that I can choose my own day, my own way to die, but what does it matter if every day before I died to life, to beauty, to the joy in the mundane way light can shimmer warm through a window?  

That's the light. That's the life. We choose Jesus and His light not because it is easy. Giving into the darkness is always the easy thing. Choosing light will always be the path of most resistance. 

Today. How are you choosing life today? 

Over in Ann Voskamp's corner Kara Tippets shared words and a beautifully kind plea with Brittany. Kara is walking a similar road and clawing desperately to see God's grace in the midst of it all. I think you'll be blessed by her response.

DISCLAIMER: The link to the video at the beginning of this post is not an invitation to a political discussion. If you think it is then clearly you did not read the post. Please refrain from discussing the ethical and moral dilemmas presented in that video in the comments. This is a space for grace and wrestling with the hard. Failure to respect this request will result in a deleted comment. Thanks!
 

Heralding the Darkness

Our culture is obsessed with the darkness.

The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, pretty much any movie coming out this month proves my point.

While we're at it let's also indict the news for darkness-mongering. For every story of beauty and good there are dozens of more flashy headlines highlighting the depths of human depravity. 

Admittedly I'm not much for gore or horror. Anxiety and fear are provoked in my heart so I avoid the evening news as a whole. Perhaps I'm not the most unbiased of critics, but my point still stands.

We're not the only culture that invites evil in.

Our life in West Africa was a constant confrontation with the reality of evil. "We battle not against flesh and blood..." was a constant refrain. Many people have mental caricatures of medicine men and witch doctors in their heads, but our experience was tangible and anything but cartoonish.

Animism is woven throughout the culture making it necessary for Gospel centered, Jesus seeking churches to distinguish themselves from congregations who still allow or even encourage the incorporation of ancestor worship and engagement with evil spirits. The evil is palpable, the fear of our Christian friends over the evil practices and ceremonies was a real struggle they faced.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. (John 1:1-9)

God made light. He said, "Let there be light" and from the beginning there was.  The darkness can't claim that it was there first. Darkness is the real intruder.

John the Baptist was a locus and honey eating light chaser. He heralded the Light. I'm guilty of praising the darkness with ugly gossip, harsh words, stories of the grim.

The darkness is evil and the more we talk about it, the more we give it credence in our life. Dwelling on evil is a toxic gas that creeps under the doorways of our life lulling us into a stupor. Changing the shadows into real shapes that affect real life.

What things do you watch, dwell on, invite into your life that are also invitations to the darkness?