Let Me Have a Sip of That: A Chasing Light Love Story

It was nine years ago today when I slipped my hand through my brother's arm and walked down the aisle toward my husband-to-be. One of those perfect autumn days where the colors blaze the breeze blows warm and the possibilities seem endless.

The other night he reminded me of the life we've lived in these short nine years. We've had more adventure in our few years then some have in their whole lifetime.

He is the only man who I want to share my food with. Scratch that. He's the only human being that I am remotely willing to share my food with. {I have a problem} Save our children who take their portion of mama's food by force- something I'm still growing accustomed too.

He is always the more generous one. He is the first to give and the one to slide his drink across the table for me when I ordered water. Because he knows I'm going to ask for a sip of sweet tea.

We've crossed oceans and almost been homeless and wondered about money and how we would make it. We've found the humor in most of it and the broken beauty in the rest and we've believed in a God of redemption together.

Our lives have changed. Our roles have changed. He's the silliest Daddy and I don't know if he fully knows how much that brown-eyed little look-alike girl of his loves him. I know I love him more for all of his love for her that I get to front row seat to watch. It heals me in all the father-less places.

And to think it all began with a walk to see a pig...yes, a pig. We walked to see how the Christmas pig was fattening up and then I ran away from him. But God wouldn't let me run too far from this brown-eyed boy and a year later we were married.

He is the smartest, wisest, funniest, bravest man I know.

My life has been brought closer to the Light by His lead. 

I think Light chasing might be the best part of our marriage. I'm continually amazed at the pull he has on me. He can find me where I am in my fear and shrinking and he points me again and again to truth. He is a live piece of Jesus that puts my life in perspective again and again. 

I have discovered it is infinitely better to chase light together. 

Yes, it gets messy. There are dark days when you'd rather roll over and turn out the light in silence then roll to the middle and invite the Light of God into the mess that is your marriage. We've learned to navigate the darkness always steering toward the Light. I'm glad those dark days have been far outnumbered by the days bursting with Light. That is God at work.

When my lungs have burned from the effort to find God in the cracks of life he has pointed and pushed and believed with me that God has not abandoned us. 

I don't have a grand point. I'm grateful, humbled and oh so happy the bearded man who makes my life is coming home today from his travels. I could have spent the last nine years a thousand different ways, but I'm glad that I've spent each one with him. There's no one I'd rather chase light alongside. 

10 Survival Tips While Your Husband Is Away

{I wrote this back a few months back when my hubs was traveling a ton overseas. I'm excited to be encouraging the Velvet Ashes community with my 10 Survival Tips While Your Husband is Away today!}

Out of the past twelve weeks my husband has been gone six of those weeks. I love serving our family here while he heads to Africa and South America (his two recent excursions) to work on water and sanitation projects. But let's be real...It is exhausting.

His longest trips are three weeks. We set that as a personal rule for our family for sanity, purity and protection, but I know for many of you your husband is gone far longer than three weeks at a time. I've learned a few things over the course of his travels.

These are things that I do and some things that I don't do so that me and my daughter not only survive, but thrive while he is away.

Head on over to Velvet Ashes and read all 10 of my learned-by-experience tips. This really is for any woman at home or overseas whose husband travels. 

A Brave Choice {Take 2}

Photo Credit: Claudio.Ar via Compfight cc 

He looks up at me and says it again, the thing that he has said to me a thousand times.

"Just tell me if it is too much. Tell me if something needs to change. You are my first ministry."

He's says it so plainly and I envy his ability to be direct. I'm the girl who chases words down. I hunt them and find that they are all too often elusive in my daily life and relationships.

The words spin out of control in my head and never seem to make it out of my mouth the same way they come out of my pen.

I swallow the fear and push down the words.

I want to tell him that it is all too much. I want to tell him that I want a nice neat life where everything is known and controlled and where he stays put.

This is a story I've shared here before, but I'm beyond happy to be re-telling it for the Velvet Ashes community. It seems only right that I would be re-sharing these words on a week when my husband is away in South America- another reason I am grateful for the Velvet Ashes community. They get it.  The community is growing in beautiful and powerful ways and I sure would love it if you would take a walk over and read the post and look around.

Brave Husbands and a Brave Choice

Airport shot heading to Kenya one month ago.

He looks up at me and says it again, the thing that he has said to me a thousand times.

"Just tell me if it is too much. Tell me if something needs to change. You are my first ministry."

He's says it so plainly and I envy his ability to be direct. I'm the girl who chases words down. I hunt them and find that they are all too often elusive in my daily life and relationships.

The words spin out of control in my head and never seem to make it out of my mouth the same way they come out of my pen.

I swallow the fear and push down the words.

I want to tell him that it is all too much. I want to tell him that I want a nice neat life where everything is known and controlled and where he stays put.

This girl with wanderlust turned a woman who lives fearful. 

I used to be the girl that wanted to see the world and then I got scared of everything, of the way a plane banks and steals my sense of control.

But he still hangs hard onto his wandering heart and that has taken him to North Korea and all over the African continent to fill empty cups with water and Gospel hope. I've done my fair share of adventuring, but I stay home more often than not these days with a toddler and a fort to hold down.

I don't tell him "no" and he keeps going and pushing and watching God bless the work of our hands and the ministry we've committed too. 

You see, I don't not pour out the fear because I'm afraid. No, I don't pour it out because Jesus poured out His blood and calls me to more.

I'm not saying that we should bury feelings or suppress the truth. I'm saying that sometimes we have to choose to step forward into big things without excuses. We can't look behind us and plow the ground in front of us. If some else's grass is greener then we are only left to assume that they let God tend and grow it.

When our husbands are called to something brave we have a few choices.

We can block them at every turn and live small fearful lives. 

When you quench the Spirit your husband's spirit will be squelched.  Don't think that you can live in the sin of fear (and it IS sin sister, it IS) and see your life and those you love flourish. It won't happen. It will choke you and everyone you love and it is the rock hard ground that illogically breeds the hearty seed of resentment.

We can say "yes" but live the "no".

You can look into your husbands eyes and sob out "yes" and then you can wake up every morning and live the "no" in ways that prevent him from stepping out boldly. You can withhold prayers, your support, your self all while speaking empty words of solidarity. We have to carry our cross without carrying a chip on our shoulders.

or...

We can tell the truth, that it scares us pale and breathless, but instead of living "no" we can cling to Jesus and live the "yes". Even if you are scared say "yes" and live "yes".

When we hit our knees fear hits a wall.

That wall is Jesus and He is the perfect love that perfects us and kicks fear to the curb. If we're scared of our calling then maybe we don't know the sound of the Saviors voice that beckons us forward. 

He looks at my eyes and he can see the fear that swims in their green depths and he knows that it can damn near drown me at times. He knows that his calling, OUR calling, tests my faith on every front and he isn't insensitive to the thorn in my side. 

But sister, if you married him and you believe that God has called you to whatever it is...a ministry, a job change, a business idea, a crazy God-sized dream...well, then God called you too. He called you both and that might look different on any given day, but you are both called to the same obedience.

When he looks at you and asks if you are with him say "yes" and live the "yes". 

Find your place in your husband's calling and live it full and fearless. Believe you have a place in his calling.

My husband is the bravest man I know. He's walked away more than once from the security of normalcy. He has done the uncomfortable, the uncertain, the unpredictable. I've watched. I've lived all of the choices and the one I come back to is the "yes" and "yes".

If you want a marriage that thrives say "yes" and live the "yes". 

My husband has made me more brave and with every "yes" fear dies a bit and we live our calling, together, just a little bit more.

{I'm posting this to welcome home my brave and bold husband from a three week stint in Kenya. I'm so blessed to be living the "yes" with him.}