Revolutionary Rest

Rest is work.
 
That is the last thing any woman wants to hear in a series about how to integrate more focused rest into our lives as moms. Because the last thing any of us need is more work. The reality is in order to arrive at a place of rest in my day to day life I have to work hard to make a life that leads me in the direction of rest.

Rest is not something that naturally happens in my life. Left to my own devices I will pile more and more onto my plate until I simply can’t go any further under the weight of it all.

I will keep telling myself in the midst of writing my to-do list that I can’t let go of anything. Between the things I want to do, have to do and just plain do I start feeling suffocated. If I am truly honest I take my to-do list and I make myself believe it is a have-to-do list. Sister, you are not the sum of the things you marked off your list today.

You are more. You are meant for so much more.

As I’ve journeyed into the art of learning to intentionally rest and find rhythms for my life, family and work that give instead of take, I’ve discovered a few core things to meet that end.

There is one keyword to keep in mind. Intentionality.
 
I am beyond imperfect at the practice of intentional rest. In fact, I’m imperfect at everything I do, but guess what? I’m loved by God. The perfect One who calls me away from my to-do list and into life in Him. The One who knows me by name and calls me away from it all to lean back into Him like a swaying hammock and be held. That’s a nice mental image, isn’t it?

But we don’t get to just lay in a hammock all day. No, there are things to do and the dishes don’t wash themselves. Intention. The purpose with which you intend to do something. If we don’t find ways to move our lives toward that restful place with God we won’t ever make it there. 

I want one thing clearly understood. Rest isn’t just making time to read a book or watch t.v. or even sleep. Rest is the deliberate slowing down of the noise in our brains and lives so that we can hear from God. 



There is a competition for our attention between the pull of busyness and the noise of everything we believe we have to do. Want to be counter-cultural? Stop “doing” things. Stop committing to more and more. Limit your children’s extracurricular activities. Don’t sign up for one more bake sale, book club, Bible Study, small group, or volunteer opportunity.

I’m not suggesting the commitments I listed above are bad. What I am suggesting is we often fill our schedules to the brim and continue to wonder why we feel physically, spiritually and emotionally empty. Gluttony is more than eating too much. 

I’ve realized it is easier to complain about our marriages, children, and lack of time than to actually tackle those areas with intention. Why is that? I think, for me, it is because I don’t want to do the work those things require so instead I tack on another task thinking somehow I will accomplish more. Less isn’t more. More is more, right?

WRONG.

A few weeks ago I did something that downright revolutionized my life. It is so simple to do and I recommend it to everyone, especially the busy mamas out there.

Grab a sheet of paper and a pen. Write down your priorities for this season of your life. Your priorities can be as general or as specific as you want them to be. My list has about ten things on it and range from a passionate pursuit of Christ to focused attention on improving my writing. Feel free to read my whole list.

After you’ve written down your priorities. Make a list of the things that take up your time. Once that is done line the two lists up beside each other and mark through each thing on the list of things that take up your time that don’t help you meet your priorities for this season of life.

It might be painful. You may find there are things on your current list needing to go which you truly love. This doesn’t mean you give up something you love forever. It does mean you possibly give up something you love in order to cultivate something that you love more. 

The next step is to regularly ask yourself if the things you are doing line up with your list of priorities? That small act will encourage you to avoid adding things that don’t help you create a life that keeps you refreshed and leaning on Jesus.

I am sure someone is reading this and thinks that I am oversimplifying it all. There are definitely times when we have to do things that we don’t want to do for a certain purpose or over-arching reason. There is always grace, but I would ask you to be as honest with yourself as possible about what you can cut out of your life in order to make room for rest. Every little bit will free up some space to rest.

I’ve been at this intentional rest thing for a few weeks now and I can already sense a freeing of my spirit. It has caused me to recognize how much I was making decisions out of fear that I wouldn’t get things done.

One thing that has emerged from my self-reflection is that I’ve discovered that I was already cutting things out of my life, namely, joy. Yes, I’m beginning to think we are always pruning something away from our lives even in busyness. The unfortunate thing about this realizations is I am nearly certain I was pruning joy away from my life.

I know “intentionality” is a buzzword these days. It’s a buzzword I am okay with if it means I get more of the life I love. If being intentional leads me to a more God-soaked marriage and work that overflows from my life instead of sucking it dry then I am all about it.

Jesus, has never been anything less than intentional with me. His pursuit of me from the Cross to the grave and straight on into eternity is with purpose. I want to pursue life in Him and this one life I am gifted with the same intentionality.

{Take some time today to prayerfully make a list of priorities and compare it to the plates you are spinning these days. Does it match up? What can you cut out? What areas can you refine to fill you up instead of drain you?}

(in)motherhood ladies, if you missed the first two posts go back and give them a read!
Rest for Your Souls
GET OVER IT! {Mama-Guilt that is}  (Over at Heidi's place!)

Rest For Your Souls

I spent at least a year of my life in that horrible in between sleep and awake state. My sweet girl was a terrible sleeper, despite my best efforts, and I lived on that edge between sleep deprivation and barely holding it all together.

My brain started to short circuit and most adult conversations involved me pretending to listen while I blankly stared at the other person. 

I was exhausted. That kind of exhausted where you leave your coffee on the hood of your car and forget to strap your infant into the carseat...not that I've EVER done that.

Eventually we made it through the sleep-barren desert of infanthood and my little girl began to sleep more than three hours at a stretch. Sleep is glorious. Uninterrupted sleep is the stuff of fairy tales and happily ever afters. Forget Prince Charming because he'll only keep you awake {snort}.

Are you with me mamas?

If there is anything I learned during that first sleepless year with my daughter is that rest is necessary. During that season of my life it was sleep that I was deprived of, but what I recognized I needed more than sleep is rest.

Rest isn't only sleep. Sleep is a part but it is truly so much more. Rest is stillness. Rest is clearing our schedules of the should do's and creating space to breathe full breaths that clear the mind and cleanse the soul.

Rest is intentional focusing our mind on quiet so that we can focus on what matters, hear Jesus speak to us without the whirring noise of our to-dos buzzing in our ear.

Rest is Biblical. Rest is necessary.

Rest is complicated for us mamas, but it is so worth the struggle to find it.

It's 1:00 in the afternoon and I wrestle my toddler into her bed for naptime. Naptime. The time of the day when all mamas do a collective sigh. What follows that sigh for me is usually a frustrated look around my less than immaculate house or at my burgeoning to-do list.

My to-do list taunts me from the kitchen counter. 

Some days I am able to mark through each line and tackle the scribbled list into submission. Other days {confession time} I cower under the dining room table and mindlessly poke around facebook until I hear my daughter waking from her nap. On occasion exhaustion takes over and I squeak in a twenty minute power nap.

What I am saying is that I waste a lot of time, but often still feel exhausted, spiritually malnourished and behind the curve on everything. Can you relate?

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28

I've heard that passage of Scripture hundreds of times. As a mama I am tempted to give the Word of God a big eye roll when it comes to rest. Yeah, I get it. Jesus will give me rest. But has He seen my to-do list?

The answer is "Yes." He has seen my to-do list and He's still beckoning me to come away with Him and find rest. He believes it to be possible and I should too.

He says "rest for your souls." in that passage. Not just sleep mama-friends. Not just a couple hour break from the kiddos. It sounds to me like He is offering a calm breeze and a hammock for our spirits to rest and be held in. I need that. I need as much of that as I can get. 

Sometimes I am the one that makes it impossible. I fill my to-do list with the noise of busyness until I can't hear the voice of my Savior. Rest is about quieting the static of life so that we can hear the voice of God gentle and kind, often much kinder than we are to ourselves as women.

We're going to journey together for the next six weeks and I hope you'll allow God to quiet your soul and draw you close so that you can experience the real, true rest of Jesus.

Q:What gets in the way of rest for you? 

An Invitation to (in)motherhood {Spring 2014}

{Are you looking for a community of women to share life with? Do you struggle to find women who relate to your season in life? (in)couragers community groups are meant to be a safe place to find women who get it, all of it! Whether you are a military wife, a single gal, a new/expectant mama, a chronic illness struggler, or living life overseas (just to name a few!) you can find a group to connect with! Registration opens today for new members. We’d love to have you join (in)motherhood if you are a new{ish} mom or a mom-to-be}






First it was the tantrum over the toothbrush…

Then it was spraying herself in the face with glass cleaner…

THEN it was dumping an entire box of spaghetti on the floor…

Followed by a brisk run out of the house and across the meadow to the neighbors-unaccompanied- thereby nearly giving her mama a heart attack and starting the “WORST MOM EVERRRR” recording in my brain.

All before noon.

Two year olds never seem to stop.

Motherhood never stops.
 
It is a constant mad rush to do dishes, help with the homework, nurse the baby and entertain the toddler all at the expense of our own peace and quiet. Add in all the other things that pull on our time and we can get downright buried under the to-dos and the should-dos of it all.

But what if there was a way to find the balance to it all? What if there was a place to hide and find rest in the midst of the crazy go nuts of the day to day? I recently read a blogger who said that she was beginning to think that it’s not so much about balance as it is about alignment. I have to say the more I have thought about it the more my spirit has agreed with her.

Alignment with the things of God will bring rest to our souls. Laying down the long list of to-dos-most of which we put on ourselves will bring a freedom and a lightness that is downright holy. It is a rejection of the busy lifestyle that is such a part of our culture and an embracing of the slow leaning into the Spirit to hear the voice of Jesus.

I recently had a miscarriage. Our living arrangements have been in a state of flux for two months now. What we thought was a long-term calling has turned into a path we didn’t expect in another direction. What I’m trying to say is…I’m a hot mess. 

I’m tired. I can sense that some of you are too and I want to call us all away from the mountain of questions we have and into the peace and presence of Jesus where there is rest and more joy than you can shake a stick at. Do you believe that it is possible? To lay down your burdens and pick up the hope that is Jesus?

Kris Camealy, a fantastic writer and blogger, recently said that a friend reminded her that rest is a good and necessary gift from God. It isn’t a laying down of things that need to be done, but a realization that rest is a gift for all the things we have done. We serve our families and in return God will give rest if we are humble enough to make space for it and receive it.

This session of (in)motherhood is going to be about rest and we invite you to be a part.

Summer can be a busy time, but it can also be the perfect time to slow down. A time to enjoy the goodness that drips out of life like a ripe watermelon on the 4th of July. Life can be oh so messy but it is also oh so good in the midst of the messy and my hope, my dare, my belief for us this session is that we can find rest and that it floods our lives with peace.



The amazing Heidi Guyer and I are back to lead (in)motherhood and we love how God has knit us together as a group for those that are returning. Remember that we are a group that is meant to be an encouragement to one another so let’s check our agendas at the door and give out heaps of grace instead- ya’ll are awesome at that by the way! 

With that said…

If you've already made the decision to join us this session then read on! 

Welcome to our new mamas and mamas-to-be! We are beyond thrilled to have you with us and hope that you will feel comfortable in your new (in)couragers home. We’re all about putting our arms around new mamas so come on in, pull up a comfy chair and we’ll pass you the chocolate, because of course! 

As we walk together and think about how to make rest a part of our everyday we’ll be reading and studying through Hope for the Weary Mom by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin! We’re working on making it available to everyone so look out for more information in the group in the next couple of weeks.This is an optional study, but I hope that you will join us as we come together to think about how to quiet our crazy as mamas and lean into Jesus.

Heidi and I will also be doing a weekly blog post on the subject of “rest” right here in my little corner of the web. It will be something that is meant to stoke your thinking and encourage you toward the practice of focused rest.

Be as involved as is beneficial to you in the group. Some of you are wallflowers and that is fine and others are conversation starters which is great also. We love all of you for your unique contributions so use the group in the best way possible for your needs right now as a mama. There is no pressure to check in every day or multiple times a day. Remember Heidi and I are always available via email, FB message or message through the (in)couragers community site.

That brings up one more thing! For previous members you know we’ve always hosted the group in Facebook. This session we are a part of testing the all new (in)couragers site where all of the groups will eventually be hosted. We will still maintain the facebook page and use it as needed, but all of our new content will be posted to our group on the (in)couragers site. Old members make sure you respond to the link your received to join the new site and new members you will also need to join us on the (in)motherhood facebook page.

The session officially kicks off on May 26th and runs through July 4th! Look for more details in your inbox and in our official (in)motherhood group on the new site and on the facebook page. We’ll also have blog buttons and other swag available if you are into that sort of thing. 

Did I mention how excited I am to walk with you guys this session? It’s like a big glass of sweet tea, a good book and a hammock on a perfect Spring day…Good.stuff.

{If you’re reading this and you’re still utterly confused about what I am talking about here is a short description about what (in)motherhood is all about! If you need some of this in your life then please join us!}

We are a group of new and expectant moms who love to wrap our arms around each other across the miles through encouragement. (in)motherhood is a place for you to kick up tired feet, pour out your heart and have your empty cup refilled by other sisters that understand right where you are at- even if that places is buried under loads of laundry or with a baby (or two)  on your hip. Our hope is that this group will lean hard on Jesus together for the strength and courage to love our families well in the glorious and messy  moments of motherhood. We would love to have you walk with us as we laugh, cry, pray, question and cling to Jesus for the grace to mother each and every day.

(in)couragers Winter Session {Register Today!}

I was a mama ten months old when I saw a blip on facebook about a new way to find community with other women. I clicked through to the (in)courage website to find out what it was all about and knew that I had to be a part.

When I joined an (in)couragers community group I don't think I realized how desperate I was for women who were in the trenches of my season of life with me.

It was just the encouragement that my new mama heart was needing.  A group of women who understood the up all nights and the mama guilt and trying to find a new normal with a little person clinging to me for every little need.

Because of the group I met this amazing lady, and this superwoman of encouragement and a whole bunch of other awesome women who have covered me in prayers and made me braver to mama.

The next session I got asked to step up as a co-leader of my group. Being an (in)courager has made me braver in my real life. It has made me bold to swing open my real life front door and wave women in who need to be cheered on in their day to day, face to face lives.

I really think that these groups are a way to help us take off the mask of having it all together and connect in the ugly and extraordinary ordinary of our everyday.

Wanna know more?

Today we're swinging the online doors open and inviting you in to be encouraged right where you are through the (in)couragers community groups. You can find a group that is just right for you! Military wife? Chronic illness? Mom of a teen? Single Mom? Student? There really is a group for almost anyone so go check it out and register for the one that meets you in the messy middle of your life.

Find a group that is just right for you! {Click to tweet this}

Are you a new or expectant mama? Come join me and the other gals in (in)motherhood (or one of the other new and expectant mom's groups) as we struggle through baby feeding strikes, toddler tantrums, and all the ups and downs of life with littles. We'll be talking about the dreaded mommy-guilt this session.

Heidi and Jessica {(in)motherhood co-leaders}

Need to know a bit more about (in)motherhood? 

"We are a group of new and expectant moms who love to wrap our arms around each other across the miles through encouragement. (in)motherhood is a place for you to kick up tired feet, pour out your heart and have your empty cup refilled by other sisters that understand right where you are at- even if that place is buried under loads of laundry or with a baby (or two) on your hip. Our hope is that this group will lean hard on Jesus together for the strength and courage to love our families well in the glorious and messy moments of motherhood. We would love to have you walk with us as we laugh, cry, pray, question and cling to Jesus for the grace to mother each and every day."

Sound like something you need? We would love to have you so click on over and join us. 

Welcome to (in)motherhood!

Welcome to (in)motherhood! 

If you are wondering what (in)motherhood is then take a read of this post. 

Maybe you're curious about other (in)couragers community groups. Well, take a gander at this and find one that is just right for you. 




I'm Jessica and I'm blessed to co-lead (in)motherhood along with the amazing Heidi Guyer!

Here is what we are all about:

We are a group of new and expectant moms who love to wrap our arms around each other across the miles through encouragement. (in)motherhood is a place for you to kick up tired feet, pour out your heart and have your empty cup refilled by other sisters that understand right where you are at- even if that place is buried under loads of laundry or with a baby (or two) on your hip. Our hope is that this group will lean hard on Jesus together for the strength and courage to love our families well in the glorious and messy moments of motherhood. We would love to have you walk with us as we laugh, cry, pray, question and cling to Jesus for the grace to mother each and every day.

So that is the big picture! What does that mean for you who are new to the group (and the returning members)? (in)motherhood is meant to fill you up, not drain you. Use the facebook group in a way that benefits you. There is no pressure to be in the group chatting it up everyday. Be as involved as you can and want to be in whatever way is beneficial to where you are as a mama.

Always be respectful of the other ladies in the group. I shouldn't have to say this, but well...I know my tongue and opinions can get the best of me so I need the reminder too. We are all from different places literally, spiritually, emotionally, etc...We will have differences of opinion about mama stuff, but the one thing we can agree on is Christ is the one who equips us for the job. Let's let grace be full and free in this group.

As an (in)couragers community group we hold to our group being a place that is safe, welcoming, respectful, accountable, Christ-centered and encouraging. 

With that said...let's talk about (in)motherhood day to day...

We'll (Heidi and myself that is!) post prompts almost daily on weekdays. These prompts will include prayer requests, topic questions, and other fun stuff. Respond and encourage as you feel led.

We're also going to be doing a few new things this session. Our theme for the session is "Fearless Motherhood". We're going to be talking about what it looks like to be brave mamas in a scary world so hold onto your nursing tank-tops. Look for weekly posts on this topic right here on my blog. (Links will be posted weekly in the FB group!)

We'll also be doing an optional study through the book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson! This is totally optional so no pressure if this just isn't part of what you are looking for in the group- although I personally don't want to miss it because Heidi is going to be heading that up and I just know that it is going to encourage and inspire.

Finally, we are going to make an effort to chat more in real time. That has always been a challenge in the past but we're starting off on the right foot by having our first chat the Tuesday (September 24th at 9:00pm EST, so mark it on your calendars!) after we kick off. Watch out for more details on our group page.

Our official kick-off on the page will be September 23rd, but these are the big details for now. Anything else we will put up on our closed facebook page. You can always feel free to email me with any other questions you might have. 

Really and truly we are glad you are with us for these next eight weeks (Sept. 23-Nov. 8). I believe that God is going to do big things in us and through us as we mother fearlessly together.

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

New Session of (in)couragers Community Groups

Up here in the North Carolina hills we are harvesting apples by the bushel and our leaves are about to turn a hundred shades of happy. It is hands down my favorite time of year for about half a million reasons.

I'm just beside myself about the next few months. In October I'll head to Allume again (thanks to a sweet friend and a gracious God). Soon I hope to be sharing the labor of love that is my first e-Book But before those things I get to kick-off another round of (in)couragers online community groups as co-leader of one of the new mama's groups we call (in)motherhood.
What are (in)couragers community groups? Oh, I am glad you asked. (in)courage, known to many as an online beach house for women to kick up their feet and breathe in Jesus (and the result of the amazing folks ar DaySpring), developed these groups as a way to connect women in similar places in life beyond the blog post.

There is a community group for right where you are in life (as long as you are a woman!). New mamas, single ladies, military wives, single mamas, working mamas, women serving overseas, writers and artists, empty nesters and the list goes on!

I hope you have gobs of real life community in your life. I hope you have sisters walking with you in real time through the glory and mess of faith, hope and love. Even if you do or especially if you don't (in)couragers community groups are a great place to connect with women all over the place who are sharing your struggles.

I can't tell you how blessed I have been to love on and be loved on by the ladies I've met through the (in)motherhood group. They are like a warm cup of tea and a cupcake after a long day. They remind me that things are never quite as bad as I want to believe they are because Jesus is better and bigger than I even realize.

Sign-ups for new group members begin September 16th and we'd love to have you, really, truly we would. 

We're setting up dozens of online beach houses so that you can come in and kick up tired feet and just be real and really prayed for and encouraged by sisters who just get it.

Doesn't that sound amazing?

{I'll be sharing more about the (in)motherhood group on sign-up day! You'll be able to find everything you need to sign up on the (in)courage website and here on my blog!}