She'd had a fever for two days and on the third day I take her to the doctor to find out that a double ear infection had been abrewin' for who knows how long. Strike a match and let the mama-guilt rage.
There isn't enough coffee in the world and dang it if there isn't any left in the house. I think my head will split and my words split the air and I'm glad there is no mirror nearby to catch my contorted angry reflection.
For every Pinterest perfect activity that I plan there are a
I'm the mom who takes her kid to the childwatch at the YMCA even when I know she is kind of sick. Yes, blame me for your kid's descent into pneumonia.
Yes, I have been known to not brush my teeth and go out in the morning just to avoid the struggle with my toddler that will ensue over my own toothbrush. My OWN toothbrush. Feel free to slip a bottle of mouthwash in my purse when I'm not looking.
I open the fridge to find that the pitcher, the one that filters water, is empty save a tiny drop in the bottom right corner. I'm so thirsty. This is the straw that breaks the back and I rage inwardly about how there just isn't ever enough of anything to go around.
I'm just so thirsty. My heart is parched and my soul shriveled with the lack.
There is just never enough of me to go around.
We are a culture of scarcity. Poverty comes wrapped in a million packages and in the West we've got poverty of spirit to spare. There is never enough time or resources to stuff into the empty places and we are always longing for a way to make more- a way to conjure the miracle out of the mundane.
But that is where the miracle happens. The miracle always happen when there isn't enough. Jesus' first miracle was making wine when there just wasn't enough. He took a little boy's lunch and he split it 5,000 ways.
He gets that sometimes there just isn't enough to go around.
You never see Jesus giving more and more to those without need. Jesus gives just enough of Himself for us to know that He is all that we need.
We are always looking for the miracle when there isn't enough. Not enough time. Not enough resources. Not enough medical advancement. Not enough money in the bank. Not enough explanation for the why's of life.
This is our story. The story of not enough is our shared story. It is the story of all of us struggling day in and day out to be and raise little people into big Jesus-lovin-God-chasing-wholehearted people.
I know the voice that whispers in your ear and tells you that you're a measly sum compared to her this or his that. I know it because it whispers in mine too.
It wears a crooked hat, a twisted smile and sounds like Tom Waits.
{Bonus prize for the first person to comment with the right reference for that}
I tuck the wee girl into bed and the lion and the lamb lay together right next to her and she doesn't think twice. She snuggles them close.
The insufficiency we feel and the sufficiency that God IS makes for a truth to rest deeply in.
But the truth is that it is a truth that most of us wrestle deeply with. We're more comfortable with having it together. I am way more comfortable with the neat and crisp pages of a tidy story but the best stories are always the ones ragged around the edges from lessons learned. Our ragged edges are what makes us real.
Making little out of much is kind of God's specialty. Nobody loves a story of a rich man getting richer- except maybe rich men. We all love underdog stories. We crave rags to riches tales, but we don't really want that to be our story.
We all want to know that the little we have can be made into much, but we'd rather have our much made into more and more.
I fill the pitcher to brimming. I heat the tea kettle and settle for the blackest tea I have. I snuggle the sick girl with a few books and I sigh deep. I open my clenched hands and I let go of my little.
I accept that it is with my little that God makes much not of me, but of Himself. I let my little enfold those around me and I find that, in the hands of a miracle working God, it is enough.
We bring nothing to the table and it is certain that we can take nothing away save Jesus. Our little made His much and always, always, always enough for the deepest needs of our hearts.
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Giveaway time!
So my sweet and so very talented friend Heather Ritchie of Heather's Letters is giving away two, count em' two, of her gorgeous hand-lettered prints to two of my readers! Here is a little more about Heather:
Heather lives in Eastern NC with her student pastor husband and 2 year old son. She is a full-time mama, pastor's wife, student worship leader and artist. Specializing in hand-lettering and modern calligraphy are her truest passions in art and learned many of the basics as a Fine Art and Design Major at UNC Greensboro. Scripture, music, color, the outdoors and other creatives inspire Heather's work. She loves using her art as a ministry to bring others joy, hope and encouragement in life!
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