Lately I've heard a lot of talk about why to have kids...or not...or why to wait to have kids...or not...and I've thought and thought about the discussion and what I could add to it...or not.My hubs and I waited six years to have our first wild and crazy kiddo. Our waiting was purposeful. I was in school and then we knew we wanted to test the waters of living overseas before we made the leap with both feet and a couple of kiddos.
I'm glad we waited. I'm glad WE waited.
I'm not making any claims on the value of waiting. That's our story. God's story on our lives.
Here are a couple of things that I know for sure about having children at any point.
Children are a blessing from God.
Don't look at our culture. There are people on the internet {who I refuse to link to} who will try and convince you otherwise. Television and the interwebs will try and sway you with their Armageddon beckoning tales of life as you know it ending. They will dismiss and devalue raising tinies into big people and the work and effort that takes. Don't give them credence.
Will your life change? Um, yes. Are their people who have children who maybe shouldn't be parents? Everywhere. Everyday. But this doesn't change the fact that children are a blessing from God. A blessing. Every single snot nosed one of them.
Next.
Having children will change you.
Think you're going to cruise into parenthood with your pre-child coolness still intact? {Cue every parent in the universe laughing at you} Tell that to yourself a year in when you realize you're eating something that your kid dropped on the floor or when you find that the reason you've been smelling poop is because it has been smeared on your foot for the last hour.
...and the coolness just drained out of you like a sieve.
There will be things that you give up. Dinner while it is still hot, quiet trips to the grocery store, quiet period actually, date night...any night, uninterrupted conversation with your spouse, clean...anything, reading a book meant for an adult, you get the point. Your gain is so much sweeter than any one let's on. Early morning snuggles, infectious laughter, baby socks, family dance parties, a little person with your shared DNA, eyes that wonder in ways that you've forgotten how, a whole new perspective, hope...
But there are greater changes to be had.
When we had our daughter it sent us for a loop. She didn't sleep. Ever. For over a year she didn't sleep and we didn't sleep either and we were cranky and cross and confused about how such a tiny person could contain so much energy to refuse sleep.
Having children will bring out all the ugliness in you. It will expose all the ugly places and the rough and cracked edges to the light and there will be times when all you will see is your own selfishness. It won't be pretty.
It will make you realize how content you were to not know these things about yourself. It will show you how much you liked a life where you felt in control and all you really had to worry about was yourself.
Might I suggest that maybe having children is part of the process for some of us of becoming more like Jesus. Let me restate that: "If God gives you children, and you lean into every exceedingly difficult and beautiful part of it, it will be part of the process of you becoming more like Jesus."
A few weeks ago we were at a conference exhibiting and my husband and I were switching off wrangling our toddler. At one point I caught myself saying this out loud, "Thank you Millie for being a part of my sanctification." It was closely followed by something like "Don't climb on that" or "Shoes go on your feet" or "That isn't gum", but you get the point.
Don't not have children because you are afraid or downright unwilling to experience the change that it will bring. The change it will bring might just be the change you need. The exposing of your selfishness. The microscope on sin that is parenthood was meant to change us into more humble, needy followers of Jesus.
You will feel like you are failing at some point. Watch out for those places. That is where God meets you and shows you that parenting isn't about being perfect. It is about being perfected in Christ.
The exact reason that parenthood is ineffably wonderful is the exact reason that parenthood is horrible, awful, scary and exhausting at times. It shows you your own need of Jesus while you're taking care of the needs of someone else. It keeps you on your knees and needy and that is where we have to be in order to really see Christ.
I know that some of you are reading this and longing for a child of your own. I don't give pat answers. I don't know if that is the way God will etch the lines of godliness onto you. I just don't know. You aren't any less without children. That isn't in the Bible and that is not the heart of this post nor the heart of God.
What is in the Bible is the truth that there is no condemnation for those in Christ. I pray that God gives you children if that is your heart's desire, but if He doesn't pursue His calling on your life and you will find the blessing and peace of knowing Him which is immeasurably precious and valuable in this life.
If you're on the fence about having children. Don't be.
I already said it. Children are a blessing. Children will change you.
If you can believe that children are a blessing then don't be afraid of how having children will change you. There are a lot of reasons to not have children and I won't tell you that without question you should have children. What I will say is that maybe what you need is change. I know that is what I needed and what God is doing in me through my daughter.
What a blessing. Change never felt so good.
{Maybe you're no where near having kiddos of your own. Consider sponsoring a child through Compassion International. I became a sponsor of a girl in Rwanda a couple years before my husband and I got married. She'll turn 18 this year and I'm so glad that I can call her daughter. Read more about the journey that a few bloggers have been on in Uganda this week as they have seen up close and personal the work of Compassion International.}
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