My sweet toddler rose early completely dissatisfied with every option offered to her. Breakfast was a messy failure. Getting dressed was an act of war. Outdoor adventure turned into a mouthful of potting soil. Tap dancing in the little red wagon became an exercise in gymnastic tumbling. A climb up on the kitchen chair ended in a graceless fall.
I held. I cuddled. I sang. I wiped up the 400th spill of the morning. I fussed. I slammed. I sighed. I offered snack after snack after snack. I wiped tears, mud, grass stains, trace amounts of blood and a mouthful of dirt clean away.
All before 10:00 am.
I tightened my jaw and gritted and barred frustration and just felt plain ugly on the inside.
No matter how ugly the wee girl can act on the outside I am certain that I'm usually acting uglier on the inside. She throws her tantrums sprawled on the floor and I throw them inside my heart.
I need the grace that pursues to chase me down on the days that I am running bull-headed toward impatience. Ok, I need it to chase me down everyday.
I foolishly thought that raising little people was about fashioning children that are obedient and good. That seems like a noble goal, but maybe that isn't the heart of God? Maybe that isn't the goal at all. Maybe raising good children isn't what all this mama-ing stuff is about?
Could it be about raising grace loving children and a grace hungry mama?
It seems that these days, these long-houred-short-yeared days, need to be flipped on their head. I've got to learn to turn my face up when the day turns upside down. I need to learn that kneeling down my worn knees raises up a better mama, a more Christ-like and loving mama.
I put on the Pandora and set it to the Andrew Peterson station, the one that is a mix of good Jesus-filled songs that croon rest over our trying-so-hard day.
I pull out the Jesus Storybook Bible and find the one about Jesus and the wee man. The one where the God-man sees right past the outside and into the heart even when we are hiding. Isn't that what He always did? Found folks in their sin and cut right to their hearts. It cut right to my heart.
I write in crayon for her to see all the fruits of the Spirit and I tell her I am sorry that I haven't written them on her life today.
Sisters, all the retail therapy, anti-depressants, anger management, perfection driven living, venting sessions and candy bars in the world can't fill up a starving-leaking-like-a-sieve heart.
We need Jesus.
We need to know that we need Jesus if our children are going to know they need Jesus.
When they storms churn up anger and dredge up all the ugly we need to know that their is a way out and the way is always grace.
A few practical ways to calm the raging mama storms:
- Turn on music that speaks peace over the situation. My favorites are Andrew Peterson, J.J. Heller and Shaun Groves
- Read Scripture aloud. Grab your Bible and just start reading out loud. It will calm you and scare your kids- in a good way.
- Throw your apron over your head- I've always loved the story about Jonathan Edwards' (the theologian) mother that said she would kneel in a corner of her kitchen with her apron over her head to spend alone time with Jesus. The kids knew to leave her alone. Must have worked because I think she had 18 kids.
- Tack the fruits of the Spirit up on your wall and review them every.single.day. For yourself not for the kiddos.
- Put yourself in time out. Nuf' said. Sometimes we need it.
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