Blessings,
“Becoming a mama will
hurt and the job is anything but easy (don’t believe the glossy ads),” writes Jessica Hoover, “but it will also make you more whole than you ever knew if you
let God work grace in you and through you to its
fullest.”
In only 15 months of
motherhood Jessica had pinned down what it took me years to figure
out.
So now, on the other side of motherhood, I assure you: Jessica is right.
Growing up, my
priority dream was to be a mother so I was thrilled when I became pregnant and
loved every part of it, even morning sickness.
But I was in for a
surprise, starting with excessive tearing and blood loss. And like all new
mothers, I dealt with sleep deprivation, exhaustion, chaos, inadequacy, and
impatience. And questions: “Why didn’t God make women so that when they got
pregnant, they grew another arm?!”
A season for radical,
selfless love
But God, in His
grace, gave me perspective: There’s a
time and season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and I was in a short season.
It was a time for giving radical,
selfless love. (That gave me my first real glimpse of God’s radical selfless
love, and that of my mother when I was a newborn. It was my turn to pass it on
to baby Matt.) That perspective gave
me hope and kept me going.
To do my mothering
well, I had to make choices to do the job right. My husband and I chose to live
frugally so I could be a stay-at-home mom. He was going to college full-time but
was willing to also hold down a full-time job, bless his heart.
Despite the 24/7
workload, I adored little Matt and marveled at God’s matchless gift. By the time
his sister, my beloved Karen, was born, I had a more settled perspective on the radical, selfless
love of motherhood.
A season for
selfless, committed love
Sometimes mothering
my young children felt unrewarding and I felt unappreciated (which gave me a
glimpse of how God must feel about our response to His loving
care).
I had entered
motherhood during the feminist movement when vocal women bad-mouthed men,
marriage, and motherhood. They said we should find our worth and fulfillment in
careers outside our homes. They
scorned stay-at-home moms. Social pressure was
intense.
Many young mothers
joined the movement but I chose to live among the
despised.
Why? Because of a
burning commitment not to just mothering, but to mothering well which, I
believed then and now, was a high calling from God.
I chose to live among
the despised because while I was pregnant with Matt, this haunted me: In high
school and college, some of my best church friends got into drugs and alcohol
and messed up their lives—even though their parents seemed to do everything
right. That really scared me. I didn’t want my kids to go astray.
God impressed
upon me that I had to raise my kids right the first time around. I wouldn’t get
a second chance at it. God reinforced my perspective: I was in a season, a time for selfless, committed love. God had given Matt and
Karen to me as precious gifts and I needed to steadfastly carry out His high
calling. For that season, mothering
was my career priority.
After the kids
started school, sometimes I worked part-time outside the home but mothering
remained my career priority: I always arranged to be home when the kids were
home because God gave me this perspective: after the kids grew up, I’d have many
years to enjoy a career and pastimes. God gave me peace in that perspective and that led to a sense of
worth and fulfillment. My role in that season as Matt and Karen’s mother was my
joy, my delight, my privilege.
A season for
selfless, contented love
The time came when
every newspaper, magazine, and TV ad told me my possessions were not good
enough, new enough, or the right color. I wanted a bigger, newer house with
matching furniture. I wished I didn’t drive an old car. I wanted more of the
American Dream. That required money and that meant I’d need a full-time job.
God didn’t give me
peace, though, about keeping up with the Joneses. Bible verses leaped off the
page: Don’t long for material things. Don’t accumulate possessions; they only
wear out and have no lasting value. (Hebrews 13:5, Matthew
6:19).
God really zinged me
with what Jesus said in Matthew 6:32. Money and possessions are what pagans run
after! Pagans! Did I want to act like a pagan?!
“Watch out!” Jesus
said, “your life isn’t defined by the abundance of your possessions!” (Luke
12:15)
Instead, he urged us
to make God the center of our lives, our first priority, and said, “Don’t worry
about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met”
(Matthew 6:33, The Message).
Again God helped me
with perspective: I was in a season,
a time for selfless, contented love.
While my children lived in my house, they were my priority. I chose to focus
less on material possessions, live within our means, and be content with the
house and furniture we owned. That was God’s high calling for that season.
Don’t get me wrong: I
was not a perfect mother. I made mistakes and have asked my kids for
forgiveness, but, by God’s grace, Matt and Karen are remarkable adults. I know,
I know—I’m their mother and I’m biased, but people I’ve never met have publicly
acknowledged they are exceptional.
My heart rejoices at what God has done.
But hear me on this: Even if my kids hadn’t turned out well, I’d
still know I hadn’t chosen selfish or material pursuits over my children. I’d
still know I had done everything I could to raise them well.
A
season for extra-radical, selfless, committed, contented
love
{A special note to the single mamas among us}
Most, if not all, of
you single moms don’t have the option I did: I got to stay home full time when
my kids were little and part time once they entered school. But because I was
raised by a single mom, I have some understanding of your
situation.
After my father moved
out, Mom worked like crazy as an elementary teacher to feed, clothe, and shelter
my little brothers and me. She made many personal sacrifices to do so. She was
in a season of selfless, committed
love.
Mom did her best to
carry out what is near and dear to God’s heart: to care for the fatherless, the
vulnerable, needy, and powerless—those things recorded in the Bible from cover
to cover. God also tells us not to turn away from our own flesh and blood
(Isaiah 58:7). My brothers and I were innocent children, too young to protect
and provide for ourselves, and God called Mom to focus on meeting our
needs.
But she did more than
meet our financial needs: She raised us in a happy home, a secure home, a fun
and God-centered home.
Now, single moms,
listen up: You are doing what my mother did. You’re doing what’s near and dear
to God’s heart: You are caring for the fatherless, the vulnerable, needy, and
powerless. You are caring for innocent children, too young to protect and
provide for themselves. You are providing for your own flesh and
blood.
Because I was and am
so blessed by my mother’s commitment to God-honoring mothering, I really mean it
when I say I applaud you single moms for doing your best for your kids
emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
Let me say that
again: I believe God will honor you single moms for your commitment to
responsibly provide for your children.
Why do I believe
that? Because by meeting your kids’ significant needs right now, you’re doing
what the Bible describes as true worship, the kind acceptable to the Lord.
Furthermore, God promises that if you fill needs of the vulnerable and needy, He
will meet your soul’s needs—He will strengthen you and give you a full life—in
dry and empty places. You’ll be like a well-watered garden and a spring that
never runs dry. (Be sure to read Isaiah 58:6-11.)
I encourage you to
remember: This is just one season of your life, a time for giving extra-radical, selfless, committed love.
Pray like crazy,
trust God to take care of both your physical and spiritual needs, stay focused.
Lavish your kids with love. Make your home happy, secure, fun, and God-centered.
Take lots of deep breaths.
- Give God and His purposes priority.
- He created your child in your womb—each eyelash, kneecap, fingernail; the unique way he’d laugh and she’d sneeze; the shape of her ears; his ability to sing. God has a detailed plan for each child’s life, (Psalm 139:13-16; Psalm 138:8) and in giving you that child, God has called you to partner with Him by being the best mother you can be.
- Choose selflessness over selfishness; place God-given responsibilities above your own pleasures.
- Your children will live in your house for a season, only a few brief years.
- Do your mothering right the first time; you can’t go back and do it differently a second time.
- What you do today and next week will determine whether you have regrets in the future.
- Hugs your kids and tell them every day that you love them.
- Keeping up with the Joneses and pursuing the American Dream are often in conflict with a life committed to God. Like Jessica said recently, the American Dream is too small! Pursue God-sized dreams!
- After your kids grow up, you can pursue any number of things. (Indeed I have. That’s a picture of me swinging on a vine in the Kakamega Rainforest in East Africa at the bottom of the page.)
- Pray every day, study the Bible, and train your children in the way they should go. That is your high calling from God.
- God is good and He has good plans for you and your children!
Whether you’re a
stay-at-home mom or a mom that works outside the home, Beth Moore’s words will
bless you. She addresses those, like you, who minister to those who “don’t have
much to give back.” She says, “The satisfied soul is never a more beautiful
display of God’s splendor than when willing to empty self for the lives of
others.” (Breaking
Free)
Remember, motherhood
can make you more whole than you can imagine if your heart’s desire is God and
living in His grace.
P.S. Don’t yell at
your kids because … ahem … Have you ever yelled at them while
you’re standing in front of a mirror? Is that how you want them to remember
you?!
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