Three weeks ago we moved to a new town.
I wrote last week about my longing for friendship. I cracked the door so that you could see that I hate all of this new kid stuff and just want friends that are old, worn in and comfortable.
The move really messed up my plans for (in)RL. I had thought about how much I would love to gather a big bunch of ladies into my home for mugs of goodness and cat-head sized cupcakes and chocolate...lots of chocolate. Instead the move found me in a small mountain town {read as not an (in)RL meetup for a couple of hours} with not a familiar soul in sight.
{In my defense I invited one lady, but despite my best efforts no dice...}
I'm not complaining about the move. I'm more than blessed and happy to have made this long awaited move, but after more than my fair share of moves the newness of being new has gotten, well...a bit old. So when the (in)RL weekend rolled around I realized I'd be flying solo it was not exactly what I had envisioned.
But just like everything God is always ahead of the curve...working in my own heart...
I wept through the opening video full of faces that I adore and hearts that I adore even more.
{Oh, and I got to be the "Pass the chocolate poster" so that pretty much made the whole event for me. Thanks to whoever made that fortuitous choice.}
The theme was about the challenges of staying in community. That has been a huge challenge logistically for me- explains my current predicament. {sigh}
{a bit of context for my (in)RL insights}
Last week the wee girl and I ventured out to our first round of toddler time at the local library. I viewed it as potential to make a few connections with other women in the local community. I psyched myself up with the reminder that the women I was about to meet are just like me even if on the surface we look different- Mamas trying to survive and needing to know they aren't alone in the fight.
I saw it on a few of their faces. They needed someone to see them.
I left the group with a couple of new acquaintances and an overall sense that there might really be some potential connections. This was a big step for me.
You see I'm not shy, but all the new girl stuff gives me icky feelings right in the pit of my stomach and can bring all of my ugly insecurities bubbling to the surface. I'm somewhat of an introvert- actually I'm a hybrid introvert and extrovert- an ambivert if you will. It's a thing, trust me.
I've always been really aware of my need for community with other women, but in the past I have sat back and waited for community to come to me. I pursued only when pursued. I realized something last week and (in)RL only fanned the flames of this epiphany.
In Christ I can pursue community without fear. I can look at the women that walk across my path and I can run right up to them and put my arm around them and say, "How are you doing?" and not worry about my own insecurity.
I loved what my friend Anna said in the (in)couragers video (Anna, forgive the paraphrase will ya?). She said that being an (in)courager has made her more brave in relationships. She's the one calling on the phone and pursuing community with other women when in the past she didn't do that.
Me either girl, me either!
I realized that my role as an (in)courager {In which I get to virtually wrap my arms around a big group of new mamas and encourage them big} has opened my eyes and heart in a new way to other women.
The amazing Lisa-Jo in a video with lovely Ann said something {again really bad paraphrasing from poorly taken notes} that because of Christ we don't have to feel like we owe one another anything in community. I loved this thought. I felt so encouraged by the idea that I can open my arms up wide to every sister I meet not because I have so much to give them, but because Christ has given me so much.
But the staying stuff...that is the hard stuff, right?
Stacey Thacker, blogger and (in)courager extraordinaire, talked about a friend she had as a young mom and what she said when Stacey's family moved away. She said that it is much harder to be the one staying. As someone who recently moved I couldn't help thinking of the women in the church we just left.
They are doing the hard work of staying.
Yeah, I'm here in my new town and unfamiliar surroundings. The temptation is to feel self-pity when really I have been given an opportunity. I'm here blazing a trail of new relationships, but they are there still trudging through the nitty gritty of daily life with one another and it isn't always pretty.
Oh no, it is not always pretty. It is not always mugs of goodness and cat-head sized cupcakes.
It reminded me of years ago when I was a part of a ministry that really centered on community I found myself knee deep in the mud of real community and it was hard. It showed me a lot of my sin and uncovered some things that weren't so pretty about my heart. Staying in community with other believers might just expose some ugly places and it might just hurt.
I'm left with a question.
Do I want to build that here? Do I want to step out of my front door and into someone else's life when it may very well get ugly. Do I want to chant inwardly as I walk toward another woman that we are all the same- souls in need of the Light of Christ, broken women in need of the community that only Christ can bring.
The answer that (in)RL inspired, the answer that the heart of the Gospel requires is, "YES!"
Next year I hope my living room is full of beautifully broken women. I hope that this year is an Ebenezer stone on the road to that day. I believe wholeheartedly that it is.
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