When the Mom Voices Tell You You're Doing It Wrong

My shelves are heavy with books, a book on the basics of midwifery, a book covering the ins and outs of vaccines, a handbook on labor progress, a few dozen infant care books and what looks like an encyclopedia of all things breastfeeding. {I am a doula after all!}

My resource library is a contradiction in itself. I've covered my bases with books on co-sleeping and books on cry-it-out. I decided long ago that I would know a bit about everything and that from there I would make an informed decision. Sometimes I feel too informed. Can you relate?

Could it be that we suffer from too much information? 

Could it be that the weight of all the information is breaking our backs and tearing at our mama hearts?

Sister, the sum of motherhood is not found in doing things the right way.  It is found in the fact that we fail at every turn, but Jesus...but Jesus. 

Jesus, rich in mercy, slow to anger, abounding in grace ties up all the loose ends and the just-can't-do-it-alls.

I am self-proclaimed as a semi-crunchy mama. That means my daughter wears an amber necklace, I coach women through pregnancy and birth, I spend hours of my day huddled around crockpots brewing yogurt or dehydrators making fruit leather and I clean with massive amounts of white vinegar.

Don't shut me down sister. I'm talking to you and me. We're all in this together. Grace abounds.

If you buy conventionally grown produce and love your Mr. Clean Magic Eraser you won't find me beating you down. My favorite parenting philosophy is grace.

You love your family just as much as I do. I believe this with all my heart.

Breast, bottle, freezer cooking, meal planning, cleaning schedules, natural birth, medicated birth, c-section, co-sleeping, cry-it-out, baby wearing, stroller pushing, cloth diaper, work at home, stay at home, full time job, t.v., no t.v., organic, home school, private school, public school, spanking, no spanking, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny,...blah,blah,blah. None of this adds up to a good mom and sometimes it can lead to a downright worn out mama. All these things that make life can drain it right out of us and leave us empty and longing to do it all right.

We've built some ivory towers mamas and we love to pontificate to one another from their heights. We blog about the best way to do "X" and we spout our opinions on Facebook and twitter.

I've done it myself. Guilty. 

I have a motto, "You can't know everything about everything."

We can give out advice and we can see all the less than perfect in everyone else, but I'll be the first to say that sometimes all this stuff that we're trying to accomplish as mamas can just leave us worn out and feeling like there is only more and more to know, to do, to be, to clean, to try, to fix in this broken world.

Who you are, in Christ, is enough. 

Not who you are on your Pinterest boards...No, who you are in CHRIST is enough. 

If you need to order takeout tonight because you're exhausted and if that takeout is a pizza from the less than healthy place down the street...well, do it and know that grace abounds and you are still loved.

There are a million blogs and books to tell you the right way to do this or that. A million ways and there are literally billions of mamas finding our own ways in this world.  Turn the voices down and turn Jesus up and sister, you will find your way. You will find His way and His way is always grace and more love then we can understand.

The healthiest thing for our families is for mama to stop listening to the voices that don't matter and listen to the ones that do. Our children. Our husbands. Most of all, our Jesus.

5 ways that you can turn down the mom voices in your head {and other mama's heads}

1. If you get into a discussion about a controversial topic on Facebook or Twitter tell the person you are sharing with that you can share your thoughts in a private/direct message. I did this recently on the topic of vaccines- a hot topic to say the least- in order to avoid unnecessary conflict with others that might read the post. Because not everyone needs to hear my opinion on everything.
2. Pray about the way you come across in conversation- both online and in real life. Are you accepting of other ways of doing things? Do you show grace for different perspectives? Ask God to grow you in gentleness. Not as easy as it might sound.
3. Make a point of taking the Sabbath as a day to rest. Rest from your mama "to do" list as much as possible. This always helps me see that my family survives even when I don't do everything I think I should be doing. 
4. Turn up some good music, take a deep breath and dance it out {Pretty much my answer to all of life's problems}- might I suggest Van Morrison's Tupelo Honey? You can thank me later for this smooth, soulful tune. 
5. Stay in the Word. {The Summer session of HelloMornings will help keep you accountable and in the Word.} No blog post or parenting book can answer the heart of our questions. When I'm not in the Word I always feel like I am lacking. The voices of others can easily drown out God's voice when I am not listening to His heart.