Dear Millie, (Amelia, Amelia Grace, Millie Grace, Amazing Grace, Millipede, Millfred, etc...)
I'm writing this to you because I know I won't always say the things that are deepest in my heart. There will be days when your hard head and your mama's even harder head bump bruises against one another. You're 9 months old and that is clear already. You, my daughter, are a lot like your mother. I'd apologize if I didn't know wholeheartedly that God makes no mistakes in the way He creates us.
I ache over the fact that you'll never know my mama, your grandma, we'll call her grams for short. Grams would have loved you to the moon and back. She would have bought you toys and given you ice cream all as your mama would be telling her that she is spoiling you. You would have loved her. There will be days when you see your mama's heart spill tears...just know that I miss my mama, and wish you could know her and give your own mama hugs and kisses will you?
I want you to know one big, huge thing in this life; nothing matters more than Christ. NOTHING. NOTHING. I hope that this fact dictates your every move.
You're a wild woman. You came out wide-eyed and you've hardly closed your eyes these past nine months. You never tire of seeing, doing, experiencing and I hope that you never do. You're fiercely independent and tenacious. These are amazing gifts and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I have a feeling you'll need these if you choose to follow God's lead. Here's the thing, people will tell you, heck, I will tell you to color in between the lines, do what you're told, don't ask questions. There is a time and place to do that and wisdom will teach you when that is, but for the most part...don't listen to us. Love Jesus with all your heart and run wildly, crazily, with abandon in the direction of Him. If there is one thing you stubbornly run after let it be the Gospel.
When we struggle against one another and you run to your daddy because you believe that he loves you more, know that he doesn't love you more...just different and you need both. You need your daddy's protection and silliness. He's a gem of a man and you'll see this more and more as you grow up. Look to Christ first and then look to your daddy. He's brave and crazy and loves Jesus and you couldn't ask for a better daddy, believe me.
Finally, you may not have a normal upbringing. We've chosen a missionary life and it is unpredictable to say the least. You may feel different and untethered at times. There may be days that you wish that you were like the rest of the kid your age. I felt this way when I was young. I still feel this way. That feeling might not ever go away. Embrace it and run towards the cross.
You are beautiful. You are made just the right way. You are loved beyond your understanding.
Run, don't walk, to the cross.
With all the love a mama's heart can hold,
Your Mama
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