Day 9: At Arm's Length (Part 2)

"Fear convinces us that isolation is safer than community and deep, meaningful relationships. When fear is steering our relationships we will hold those who care about us at arm's length. We may be afraid that they will hurt us, use us, die on us. Fear teaches us to always protect ourselves first." (Day 8)

Fear is a liar. It is the gossip that destroys our relationships. It whispers in our ear and tells us to compare, doubt, and push those we love and who love us away. If we build walls of fear sturdy enough no one will be able to get through. Some of us prefer it that way even if we would never say it out loud. I believe that fear is one of the leading non-health related causes of depression. We fear loss and hurt so we push others away and isolate ourselves.

The place that I have seen this affect most deeply is my marriage.When I am walking in fear I shut down toward my husband in all areas. If my fear is directed toward him then I will be insecure about his love and affection toward me. However, courage and bravery in my relationship with him opens up lines of communication and actually makes me feel safer. It is the backwards affect of fear. We think that we are protecting ourselves by embracing fear when it is actually quite the opposite. There is freedom in allowing ourselves to be loved. 


We, as wives, crave fulfillment in our relationship with our husbands. Ultimately fulfillment can only be found in Christ and it has to be the first place that we seek to be filled. Our husbands cannot fill empty fear filled cups, only Christ can. Our cups also can't be filled by Nicholas Sparks novels (yes, I went there), online relationships, movies, soap operas, shopping or {insert anything here}.

We were created for relationship. Marriage was created to reflect our relationship to Christ. Healthy marriages are free from fear. Fear has no place in our marriages. Scripture tells us that in no uncertain terms.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18

We have been perfectly loved in Christ. We can extend love without fear to our husbands because of that fact. 

The benefits far outweigh the potential risks. 

Day 10: At Arm's Length (Part 3)