Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Day 3: Gripping Fear: How I Realized I'm Afraid of Everything

My struggle with anxiety and fear didn’t become apparent until I was an adult.

If you’ve been reading along you are probably wondering how that could possibly be since I had dealt with such great loss before I was even a teen. I was an extremely outgoing teenager. Captain of the volleyball team, cheerleading squad, lead in the school play, soloist in the choir, I was the poster girl for extroversion. The last thing that I would have been categorized as is fearful.

After graduation I was the only one of my classmates (I went to a very small Christian school) to go out of state to college. I spent time backpacking and mountain climbing. I slept outdoors one year for 190 days out of 365. I know that doesn’t sound like someone who struggles with fear, but all that time I balanced on the ridge of fear. I felt at any moment that God might take everything away from me.

We have to be able to tell the difference between phobias and fear. Yes, I may be making this up, but I think that some of you will relate. A phobia is something that scares you, duh, but it is usually something external like spiders or this or this. It might hold sway over the way that you live your life. For instance you might avoid crawling under your house (I know I do) if you are afraid of bugs or spiders. People can have phobias of bizarre things...like pickles.


Yes, that seems to be real.
Now that you've stopped laughing (or being completely weirded out) {really stop laughing}
I'll give you another second to stop laughing...

Ok, so phobias are largely external and point to an underlying struggle with fear.

Fear on the other hand, the kind that grips you when you're alone or the kind that holds us back from fullness of life tends to be internal. Fear is a re-action to our lack of control in this life and it builds walls in our hearts if left to take root. It keeps up from living out the dreams God has placed in our hearts. It dictates how far we engage with the people in our lives. It leaves us crippled emotionally. 

Fear isn't always a run away screaming experience. Fear can be a thread that is woven into our lives. It was for me and it wasn't until I realized that it was permeating everything in my life that I began to experience freedom.

You don't have to be scared of spiders, heights or public speaking to be a fearful person.

Do you have phobias? How has fear influenced your decisions? 



 Day 4: What Jesus Has to Say About Our Fear

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