25 Truths Every {Motherless} Daughter Needs to Know

1. You are always first and foremost a daughter of the most high King. There are no orphans in the Kindgom of God.

2. It will never not hurt. Whether you are eighteen or eighty that mama shaped hole will always ache. I wish that someone had told my twelve year old self this.

3. The richest of  life's blessings can live right next to that hurt. Don't let fear tell you any different.

4. You will miss her in the strangest moments. When you splash water from the sink all over your new dress on the way out the door to church. When you're driving in the car and that song comes on. The one that she danced around the kitchen too. The tears will swell and sister, let them fall.

5. Not everyone has a perfect mother even if she is living. Some women don't have a mother at all even if she is living. Sometimes that is harder than not having a living mother. Always reach out to love that type of motherless daughter.

6. Some women have amazing mothers. That is something to celebrate even if our own mothers aren't with us.

7. Having your own children will bring the loss of your mother full circle. It will feel like hurt and healing all at once.

8. You will feel more passionate about the calling of mothering than you ever imagined possible. Embrace that passion. It is one of the few gifts we are given as motherless daughters. We know the power of motherhood and what a power it is.

9. Your husband won't know what to do with your grief, but he will let you cry. Don't expect him to know what to do with your grief. Just let him be that shoulder to cry on. I've soaked my husbands shirt with ugly crying more than a few times.

10. There will be days when you wonder if you know how to do anything right. You wish that you could pick up the phone and call your mama for all that advice she never got a chance to give. Don't let those days defeat you. Your ability to love and care for yourself and others does not hinge on you having a mama of your own. Don't believe that lie.

11. Mother's Day will be bittersweet. Make it more sweet than bitter. Plant flowers, go for a run, eat the best dark chocolate you can afford, whatever you need to sweeten your day and your mama's memory.

12. Fear from loss can keep you from loving fully. The loss of your mom will make you fear losing other things and whisper that it is all right to hold those you love at arms distance. Don't listen to it.

13. You are never not your mother's daughter. Death can't take that from you. She is woven into your very own DNA. 

14. It is important to teach your children about your mama. You are the only memories that they will have of her. Make a photo album of her just for them. Let them give her a name just like they would any other grandmother. Celebrate her birthday. Make it about her life for them, not her death.

15. Some of us had great moms and we lost them. Some of us had moms who failed us during their lives. Most of us had a combination of those two things. Grieve all of it not just her physical death.

16. There are more than enough mamas to go around in the family of God. Pursue relationships with older women and let them pour into you.

17. Know that you are beautiful. The temptation is only to see the cracks. Some of our mothers failed to tell us that in real time and it has left deep scars. God says we are beautiful and no amount of our mothers saying that or not saying that changes that fact.

18. You will wonder what it would be like to have a relationship with your mom as an adult. Don't romanticize it. You might have been best friends, but you also might have butted heads in a very real way.

19. Write it down. All those memories, the way she rubbed in her foundation and swept eyeshadow across her lids, write it down. {Another great way to achieve #14 for your children)

20. That need to please that you have deep down in your soul, you know what I am talking about. That part of you that wants to hear your mama say "That's my girl!" one more time. Let it go. She is proud of you. God says that who you are in Him is enough and...you are and it is. 

21. Sometimes we need a good cry about all this mama-less living. Let yourself have those moments. Preferably with a cupcake.

22. Choose joy. When you are tempted toward self-pity. The loss of our mothers does not define us. Choose joy. 

23. Remember that you are not alone. We are a rare sisterhood. I'm holding your hand and I'm going to squeeze hard when this road gets rough.

24. You don't have to live under a cloud of loss. God's grace is sufficient and you can embrace your own family in the freedom of that grace.

25. Be a mother to someone. A motherless daughter knows the power of motherhood. Be that in someone's life.