Tales of a {Contentedly} Failed Housekeeper

Somewhere along the lines I lost it. Maybe it was my raging postpartum hormones or the loss of well over two months of sleep during my wee one's first year of life. I can't really pinpoint when it happened, but I tell you what I'm glad that it did. I used to stick to a cleaning schedule religiously. I don't like the word "religion" so I don't use it loosely. Cleaning and tidiness can become a religion and that binding up you feel when religion takes hold was choking me to death at times. I will always be a bit neurotic about cleaning as I go when I cook and about making the bed at some point each day, but the rest of it...can wait.

Some of you are reading this and you're about to click away because you are picturing mounds of dishes soaking in my sink. I do clean.  

I just don't live to clean anymore.

I clean to live and there is a big difference. 

That Proverbs 31 woman can be a threat to my sanity at times with all her early mornings, flax spinning and scarlet what-nots. I used to arrange my schedule around cleaning and when little miss entered the picture her schedule begged to differ and at times it has felt like drowning beneath the weight of laundry and dust bunnies. I found myself growing to hate cleaning tips on pinterest and all of you lovely ladies who are gifted in organization just amaze me because I stuff papers in my desk at an alarming rate and I never can find whatever I am looking for. Please no advice. I'm a recovering organizational failure and I'm learning to live with it.

I think it might be helpful for those of us in the process of breaking up with our housekeeping to set some boundaries. I'm about to go non-denominational on my cleaning religion and it might just split the church...ok, enough with the analogy...sorry, I took it too far.

10 rules to break up with your housekeeping routine

Rule #1: As much as it pains you leave the dishes in the sink overnight. Do it. Finish dinner, load the dishwasher full and let the rest of the dishes sit there in the sink. If you need an inhaler it is ok. It gets easier. Oh, and guess what? The dishes are still there in the morning! You can do them while your child sits in a high chair and tosses her breakfast on the floor.

Rule #2: I'm a bit crunchy and I suffer from anxiety. I like cleaners that don't have unpronounceable words in their titles because I am simpleton and am afraid of developing some unpronounceable disease. Buy stock in white vinegar, baking soda and castille soap. This will make you feel better I promise because you can use your cleaners and do science experiments at the same time. I'm married to a geologist. He has made me a nerd. A nerd who can get a mean hard water stain off using elbow grease and my mind...and a little bit of white vinegar.

Rule #3: If you are having guests over throw all items that are out of place in the closet and shut the door. Guess what? They will still be there tomorrow. Funny how that works. {See Rule #1} It's one of Newton's laws I am certain. This applies to bureaus, desk drawers, bathroom cabinets and the like.

Rule #4: Don't let your house get nasty only visibly dirty. Why do we clean things that don't look dirty? Don't give me that "stitch in time" business. If it doesn't look dirty than who will be the wiser? I know germs, germs, germs. Just wash your hands and call it clean.

Rule #5: Light a candle. I chase smells like Jim Cantore chases storms. I can abide almost anything other than a disgusting, lingering smell. Candles cover up smells and someone coming to your house will think you are exponentially fancier if you have a candle lit. Works every time. Bonus: Put on some John Coltrane and pretend you are cooler than you really are. Works every time.

Rule #6: Use your children as personal cleaning assistance. That crumb from lunch on the floor...it was lunch wasn't it? Why shouldn't she eat it? Boosts her immune system. Win/win.




Rule #7: Waste time lovin' on your family. Sometimes cleaning your house is just the way to love on your family. Sometimes it is not. Your family needs you to be engaged. At times that means cooking supper and doing laundry, but I tell you the truth that no child or even husband will remember if you didn't get the laundry done/folded/ironed/put away on Thursday per your normal routine. They will remember if you talked with them or read to them. No guilt mamas just reality.

Rule #8: Step away from pinterest. You are making yourself crazy. Not fun Raising Hope crazy. No, you are making yourself crazy-lady-from-crazy-town-crazy. No, you don't have to abide by any cleaning list. Don't let them lie to you. Only use what is helpful to you. The second that this feels like an overwhelming burden- even with that new free printable from the Divas of Domesticity (not real, I don't think)- let.it.go.

Rule #9: Take time to get messy. Life is messy. Having fun is messy. Having a fun life is messy. I would rather live in a bit of chaos with all the people I love smiling at me through mud and finger paint then to live in a sterile environment with sad mopey folks. You can clean it up eventually, but don't try following your toddler around with a pressure washer. 1) Because that is borderline child abuse and 2) Because that is a first class ticket on the train to crazy town. Let the toys and books stay on the floor till the end of the day. They are happier there rather than being tossed there forty times by a 13 month old who lives to destroy. Ahem, I know from experience.

Rule #10: When it all just gets to be too much turn on a little old school Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind and Fire and bust out some sweet moves while you bust out your cleaning. You kids will be entertained and it won't feel as much like cleaning toilets. Ok, it will still feel like cleaning toilets, but cleaning toilets to some funky tunes. Way better, right?

I love my family and I love serving them through cleaning our home. God has entrusted them and our little home to my care and I want to honor every part of that. Part of that is not making myself crazy. Some of you are beyond gifted in keeping the cleanliness plates spinning in your home. I am a work in progress and I'm trying to find a bit of balance. If you can relate, "holla!"

Much love to all you magic eraser wielding domestic queens. I'm going to turn up the music and honor Rule #10.