Chalk it up to my small stature and lung capacity. Running has never been my thing. I've tried and I'll keep trying, but I'm doubtful that I'll be running a marathon...well...ever.
Running takes determination and endurance. It requires motivation and lazy people need not apply.
There will be miles that you don't feel like continuing on and you'll want to stop. My friends who run tell me if you push through and believe you can do it you catch a second wind. They tell me it isn't near the finish line that you breach exhaustion. No, it's right in the arduous middle.
Ya'll, I hit a wall yesterday in the chase.
October has been looney tunes for my family. A month plus of engineering exam studying for my husband, constant travel for his job, two weekend mission's conferences, his exam and my trip to Allume has made for an overflowing month. October with it's glow usually finds me reveling in it's beauty, but I've wished again and again for it to pass right on into the past this year.
Yesterday was the day that broke my back...actually it was my knee. I could see the light. My husband was headed home from his final trip of the month. I was headed to the gym with only the lightest morning sickness and then something in my knee popped- like the bad kind of pop where you know nothing good can come of the next few steps.
It seems that my loosened pregnancy joints caused me to strain the muscle that connects my thigh to my knee. Oh goodie. Cue the self pity as I try and hobble around behind my almost three year old. I'm sad to say that little injury drained all the light right out of my day. I'm ashamed at how easily I stumble into the darkness.
The writer of Hebrews called us all out to run the race before us with endurance. I gasp for air at the first signs of difficulty. Increase the grade of my chase and I'm quick to complain of the difficulty.
My knee injury has been a forced slow down in my life. I sat in the waiting room at the doctor's office today and read the words of James over and over as he reminded me to consider the trials joy because they are making me more like Jesus. I needed to tune my heart back to His voice. I needed the Spirit to re-energize me in the chase.
Don't be confused because chasing light isn't about a try hard brand of Christianity. It's about leaning hard into the Spirit when we feel too weak to continue on. It's about believing that our second wind in our weakness is the very Spirit of the living God alive inside of us.
After all isn't that what this chasing light thing is all about?
God, Jesus, Creator of light, the Spirit that fills us wants us to live in the light ever becoming more like our brother and Savior Christ. I will stumble and my lungs will blaze hot with the effort at times. I will want to stop and I might even momentarily take a knee as I wonder if I can make it.
I am confident that the Spirit will meet me there in my dark moments of wondering and push me forward in my chase.
Tell me about your month of light chasing. Where has it taken you?
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